As a child, I never used to sleep in late. I was always a morning person even on weekends when everybody else in my family was asleep and wanted me to sleep in as well, I would be up with the sun and wanting to watch tv and play video games etc. Each time this happened, mom always used to say the same thing to me, sometimes in different variations…. “Jeff, stay in bed, it’s too early, I’m trying to sleep, it’s too loud, etc. At that time I never understood how someone could sleep even when it wasn’t dark outside.

Fast forward 20 to 25 years later and I can simply say this….things have changed from when I was that age. I love to sleep now no matter what time of day it is. As a matter of fact, I’m currently going through a phase where the days are basically backwards. Night time is day time and day time is night time. I prefer to sleep during daylight hours now and only live my life when the sun goes down. As everybody in the world goes to sleep, this is when I prefer to just be waking up. I have a pretty good idea of when this started as well. It was during those awful ten months I spent working in that fuckin government job. During this time, the constant waking up before the sun and putting on clothes that were too heavy for me was stressful. I would go an d wouldn’t stop until at least six o clock and had to deal with the bullshit of para being three to four hours late in some cases, (while I was nowhere near capable of dealing with as I was so tired.) Well eventually mom got the picture and allowed me the freedom to quit that job but with this came the realization that people who wake up early have to go to work. As I did not like work, I chose to sleep in despite suggestions from numerous people to go out during the day and to establish a proper sleeping schedule so as not to go to bed all hours of the night. The problem was this this was attributed to people having a job, (setting a time to go to bed and willingly waking up early,) ETC. I wanted nothing to do with that sort of routine so therefore, I started doing things my own way, staying up all night and sleeping during the day, similar to teenagers. Unfortunately, this was frowned upon by the one person whose opinion I care about…..mom and she constantly tried to get me to willingly change it only for me to complain and state that the type of routine she wanted me on was the same as someone who works. Despite constant arguments between mom and I regarding this, as well as her making comparisons to my real father, (who shall remain nameless,) in regards to the similarities in which we live, this routine stuck and at one point, I found myself staying up for four nights straight with no sleep at all in those four nights. This resulted in me sleeping through the entirety of the 2021 Royal Rumble P.P.V. and missing it though I was able to see it as I had it taped on my tv. I was still watching Wrestling somewhat at this time. However, as of the time of this writing, I don’t watch it anymore.

So let me fast forward to the present day. No matter what anybody thinks about the way I have lived my life to this point, if it’s not mom, it doesn’t matter. However, I do still have these sleep problems though I have improved a bit in terms of how I live my life. I find myself willingly going places during the day and working to not sleep all day, though at certain times I still find myself going back to the numerous routine of staying up later than I should, (though not as late as it once was I try to go to bed no later than 1 a.m..) This is still frowned upon by mom. She says I go to bed too late and this is why I’m always tired.

While this may be the main reason why I’m so tired, I just came to the conclusion of another aspect that may contribute to my constant fatigue…..the atmosphere in which I live currently. I don’t live in a proper house but rather a space small enough to be a bedroom. As you walk into my house, the first thing you see is my bed. Most of the space contains something that could be found in a bedroom. I have a tv, a walk in closet for my clothing, a dresser, a bathroom, and in the case of a bedroom that’s big enough, a desk where I put my computer and a mini fridge. As I am constantly in this space for obvious reasons, It’s no wonder I get tired as I’m constantly under the impression that I’m in my bedroom rather than in a full house. What supports this theory, (as ridiculous as other people may believe it is,) is the fact that for live in comfort, all I have is the bed and a la z boy chair which someone can easily fall asleep in while watching tv. I don’t have a couch and this is the only space I have to call my own. I mean, there is a kitchen area downstairs, (which I’m constantly forced to go to by mom,) which is usually occupied by multiple other clients who I have no intention of getting to know or establishing any sort of connection with. Another contributing factor to support this theory is the time I spend in this room. On most days, I wake up, (usually when staff call me but will most of the time go back to sleep after,) or at a time conducive to my para booking, if applicable, and will spend the time I have getting ready for para where I will leave at the proper time and then return just before supper. After eating supper, I will return to my room and prepare for that evening’s trip to Pullen or anywhere else I might go in the evening, (though recently I have only gone to Pullen in the evening,) by getting things ready that I want to bring, (movies snacks drinks, etc.) At this time I once again leave the house and return at some point between 10 and 11:30 p.m. As would be expected, I am tired when I return though I will occasionally still take my shower, (as a means of cancelling it the next day so I can sleep in longer and not be awakened at 9 a.m.,) and turn on the tv citing a lack of time to watch anything decent at any other time. Most nights, I will plan to watch a movie in order to do a blog about it the next day once I arrive home. However, recently I have gone back on each of my claims to do so as my fatigue has outweighed the desire to watch one in every recent instance.

In other words, I basically wake up in this room and go to sleep in this room. Rarely am I in this room in between so therefore, when viewed in these terms, I basically live in a bedroom so among me always going to bed at what mom and others would consider to be all hours of the night, I can’t help but feel as though this isn’t the only reason for my sleep schedule. Maybe if I lived in an actual house, it would be better rather than just living in a room.

I suppose this is just another way of me saying that I am ready to move….not just because Barb said I was going to or because this place is bad…..I just think it’s time for a change.