I promised everybody once Jake was born that his influence would cause me to never freak out again as a means of establishing a positive place in his life. The problem was that nobody believed I was capable of doing this given how well they knew me. Long before he was born, I used to tell anybody who would listen that (insert problem which caused me to freak out,) would be the last time I would freak out only for me to find another reason to freak out. This could be because of a late bus or my money situation ETC. With this in mind, I think everybody was sort of expecting me to go off a long time ago and to their credit, I’ve had my moments where I could have gone off only to stop short of reaching the point where I would freak out in the name of proving that I had changed for Jacob. For a while, it seemed like I was well on my way despite certain situations giving me a run for my money in the month since Jake came to be. However, this all changed today when during a problem I was facing, Jake was nowhere to be found. I guess he had the day off from helping me. As for what he does during his day off, apparently he goes shopping with grandma which I found out the hard way today.

As I was finishing my work at the library, I saw a para bus which would have been early. As those drivers usually have to wait until five minutes after the pickup time to leave, I was shocked when I saw the bus take off without waiting those five minutes. This was also the first day in a while where I failed to follow what has become accustomed not only to me but to Chris at this point….checking the app a half an hour before the bus is supposed to come to determine whether or not it will be on time and also to take note of the bus number. I had been so busy with writing things all day that I did not check the bus to confirm what number it was. Therefore, I had no way of knowing if I had missed the bus. It’s a little bit ironic to me that this happens on a day when the credit card company sends me a message via text reminding me to make a minimum payment by the end of the month. This obviously means I can’t use it. Just so we’re clear, the following situation sums up everything I was dealing with at this moment.

1. I may have missed the bus
2. If I did, it would be my responsibility to pay for a taxi with money that I don’t have
3. I can’t use my credit card which is made clear by the fact that the company themselves are harassing me
4. The only money I would realistically have if a taxi was necessary is the money I need for groceries
5. I have to get home in time to catch another bus to meet Ben at Walmart and if he gets there and I never show up, then I’m sure he’d be upset for going there for nothing.
6. I would realistically end up in jail as I would refuse to pay for any taxi even if it’s needed so I would have to assault the driver to threaten a free ride which would in turn get me sent to the slammer
7. If any of the above applied, I would realistically never use para again as I would call and give them a tongue lashing the likes of which they never heard before
8. Furthermore, I would likely spend the rest of my adult life dissing that service which would cause me to lose my friends as this is one of the main fights I have with Parastou which causes Chris to eventually stand up for her.
9. Para wouldn’t actually be a problem anymore because if the worst happened, after all these years of stress they have caused me, I would lock myself up at home and never go anywhere just because I hate the service with a passion and I would then be at a point where I’m better off without it.

With that list now in place, everybody knows exactly what I was dealing with so now I can go through the episode itself.

I had just enough common sense to make it out the door of the building before I began cursing and swearing and making it appear as if I’m beating someone up….pretty much the actions of the old me. However, by this point, I had noticed that the bus that was parked there wasn’t mine and it hadn’t shown up yet as I checked the app to see my bus hadn’t arrived yet. However, this didn’t stop me from unleashing a tirade the likes of which had not been seen since Jake was born.

I started by confronting the would be taxi driver upon entering his vehicle and putting a gun to his back before breaking his debit machine while telling him “you’re taking cash! “get this fuckin thing out of here.” (meaning the debit machine.) My tirade then transitioned into a conversation with mom over the credit card company harassing me over the due minimum payment. Through countless attempts to calm down, I was unable to find Jake and had to go to the mom well once more, (something else that I have not done since before Jake was born,) as it appeared this was the only way to calm me down. As I tried to call her on what’s app, it became clear she would not answer during which time I began swearing out loud at parents for allowing their children to be loud in front of me and I told them, “will you please tell your kids to be quiet?” out loud I then looked around to notice there was no children around. When the noise continued despite this, I wandered around the packed parking lot of the library telling anybody I passed to be quiet as I was getting a headache. However, nobody was making any noise so I couldn’t figure out where the noise was coming from….until I realized that it was coming from my phone and it was Jake making the noise! Mom had answered and unfortunately heard everything from “will you please tell your kids to be quiet.” As usual, she wasn’t having any of my excuses. When she put the camera on Jake, I opted to do a complete 180 and turn the ordeal into a lesson for him:

“Hey buddy it’s uncle Jeff. This message may be short for now but if uncle Jeff keeps using Para, you’ll hear it to an extent that you’ll grow up wishing they don’t exist. The biggest thing to be taken away from this is that no matter how many people in your life mess with you, try your best not to verbalize your anger because you never know who is watching or who can hear.”

Of course, mom wasted no time in telling me that what I did was wrong which I apologized for profusely .

The moral of this story is that even the best people need a day off from making a difference in the lives of those who love them.

I really hope Jake enjoyed his day off. He deserves it.