No matter how many times people tell me it will happen, it probably never will. If you’re wondering what I’m talking about, after 34 years of searching and getting involved in groups, (somewhat willingly,) and keeping a positive thought that some day, I will find my girlfriend, I don’t think it will ever happen. This is especially if I cannot show my interest in them when a prospective girlfriend approaches me. It’s not that I don’t know how to do this. As a matter of fact, if anything I know how to do it to well to the point that every time I’m around a girl who could one day be considered to be the one, I’m constantly ridiculed for my attempts at showing them I’m interested by mom and recently Ben.

I have to be completely honest in saying that my claim to have never had a girlfriend in my whole life wasn’t exactly true. I had a girlfriend back in high school which didn’t work out if I’m giving a short answer as to why I’m still not with her. I keep going back to the same story over and over again about my failed first date with her and how I felt mom went too far in asserting her authority in telling me not to engage in the deed with her, and how the aftermath of this haunted me for five years after she had moved away, ETC. I bet everybody else also knows about the fact that everybody was questioning whether I should ever have another one and sometimes even praying that I don’t as they fear I will end up reverting back to the same person I was back then. Just so everybody knows, I was not the same person I am now back then…I was hated and everybody’s worst enemy. This is also giving a short answer.

To date, I have not had a legitimate girlfriend since my teenage years but as I got older and more of my family started settling down and getting married, even having children in the case of my younger brother, I have gradually went from not caring at all to wanting it more than anything in the world as I fear that I’m one of the only ones in my family who has a legitimate girlfriend. Also my age is beginning to play a factor. I’m not a teenager anymore and I’m in my mid 30’s. I’m not in the best physical shape as I’m overweight and in terms of my mentality, I’m still considered a momma’s boy which only once in a while gets me praise from mom but most of the time ends with her basically wishing I was able to have my own life, though my intentions in calling her and wanting to spend time with her are good.

I spend my time watching romantic films in the hopes that it will give me hope that I will find the right one as well I have adopted a like for certain romantic music. I feel like I have a lot to offer a girl but if I’m never given the chance to, I can’t show it.

My biggest fear is getting too old and having to settle for a woman in her 50’s/60’s as opposed to a younger woman in her 30’s. I know I will one day have to look to see younger people, in their teens/early 20’s ETC who have their whole life ahead of them. At this time, I could be in danger of dying if my health problems progress.

This is why I feel the need to get while the going is good as the old saying goes and try to find someone. Even though I’ve been trying to do this for years, my attempts at trying to woo some women through personal comments and sexually explicit gestures over the years have all been met criticism from mom and Ben, (though mostly mom.) She will tell me not to stare and not to make sexual comments while warning me that consequences could follow if law enforcement was to find out. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not mad at mom for doing this and I do know that this could happen if I’m not careful. The thing is that I know other people have done it and it’s resulted in marriage and once again I will say this….even the birth of children in the case of my younger brother. Do you think they got to that point by not making those comments? I mean, if you’re in a relationship with someone, you have to show them that you love them and yes, that does mean flirting with them, kissing them, ETC. What I don’t understand is why that works for others around me but I get told of every time I try to do it to a girl. I mean, it’s no different than your standard flirtation acts..(making comments towards their physical appearance, going out of your way to be close to them, ETC.) Those are the actions that lead to the start of standard relationships and the birth of my first nephew. So being that I get in trouble for making those same comments/gestures ETC, why am I always getting in trouble for it first of all? Furthermore, if I continue to get in trouble, how am I ever supposed to be in a relationship or fall in love if I can’t make these comments?

The reason this comes up is because I thought I found a prospective girlfriend this past Friday in the nurse responsible for my EEG as I felt her methods got me through what would have been a bad situation originally much better in reality. I cannot divulge the comments I made but I did make a few of them, ones that were deemed inappropriate by Ben and then later mom as she found out about them as he gave her the results of my appointment. Once again, I was confronted by mom for these comments. This caused me to once again feel like I can never fall in love again.

As these comments were the same ones as your standard flirtation, I’m going to ask this again…..is there any hope for me to have a girlfriend without my efforts in trying to secure one resulting in confrontation and trouble with mom and Ben.

This literally seems hopeless. I want to fall in love again but if I can’t show my love, I fear it will never work.

Maybe there isn’t someone out there for me after all…maybe this is something I will have to accept.

Maybe there’s no such thing as Mrs. Right