Movie Review: Thelma (2024) seen in theatres

Warning: This blog may contain language and comments that may degrade elderly people as I will voice my opinion on what I think of them throughout. As some of these opinions may be considered insulting, I would not recommend any person over the age of 70 to 80 years old who has access to this website to read this movie review past this point. It may also cover impending death as well as certain diseases which are routinely felt by the elderly which may also result in terrible language being used. I just want to say that regardless of my opinions shared in this review, I do not mean to offend the elderly.

Reader discretion is advised

Some material may not be suitable for young children; violence and mature themes throughout

This movie follows a 93 year old grandmother named Thelma, (hence the name of this film,) who is tricked by a phone scammer into believing that her adult grandson has been arrested and must send the last of her saved money to supposedly bail him out of jail. However, problems arise when her grandson reveals that he was never arrested and convinces Thelma that she has been scammed. Despite being advised by her grandson and daughter to just let the situation go, Thelma is determined to get back what is rightfully hers despite her lack of computer knowledge as well as her inability to use a gun. She enlists the help of an old friend whom she has not seen in years to help her in her quest to get her money back.

Normally when I write a blog, I write a brief description of the movie which lists my favourite parts in detail. Since this whole movie from start to finish was unsatisfying, I have decided to just give my opinion on what bothers me about this movie as there were no scenes in this movie that entertained me in the least or that I found worth watching. In my personal opinion, it’s really a good thing that the movie was free for me to see as I had a free movie first of all and then I had enough scene points for my popcorn and drink. This is because it would be an absolute waste of money to see this movie.

If I’m being completely honest, I hate elderly people. I know this is a horrible thing to say but it’s true. Mom has known about this since I was younger but the reason why she thought I hated elderly people has been wrong for so many years. She thinks that I’m scared of old people because I fear death as well. She used to think I was just obsessed with age and that may have been the case when I was very young as I didn’t know any better. However, as I got older, my reasons for disliking them were because I felt like they were disgusting to look at as well as the fact that they become more and more unable to live life as they get older. I mean, one aspect of my supposed fear that remained the same from when I was younger is the fact that I still hate death. Well, you get some old people who are sicker than a dog, maybe confined to a wheelchair or walker, some who may use a cane to walk, and the one thing I hate most of all is dentures. Those god damn friggin disgusting plastic teeth that they put in a glass of water overnight and then put them back in their mouth in the morning. Why don’t they just use a toothbrush? Having said that, I wouldn’t want an elderly person touching my toothbrush, let alone use it. However, the one thing I hate about the elderly is the fact that most of the places they live smell really bad and the atmosphere in their house makes it appear they are old people. They have candy jars with candy probably older than they are, wallpaper from the 1800’s, and the smell of animal feces from their pets who they’re too old to look after. Also, they go on and on about how things have changed since they were born, about how they think their age is just a number, and they might say something to the effect of “I’m not (insert age,) I’m (insert young age) with (insert number of years of experience which when added up will equal their age.) Also, they embarrass young people by saying things like “When I was your age, we did this, we did that, and they’ll make comments to young people who are dating someone such as “Man if I was (insert number of years younger which when subtracted by their age will equal the age of the person being talked to,) I would date her/him, (depending on the gender of the person.) Basically, they take all of the fun away from young people.

When mom turned 50, I freaked out because I knew that she may be subject to those kinds of insults from young people, (being referred to as old and being called grandma, ETC.) What makes this even worse is that now she literally is a grandma to Jacob, (who is the only one who is allowed to call her that,) and actually I think I really shouldn’t talk about old people being susceptible to disease because as of right now, mom has cancer. There is one important difference between her and the average old person who gets cancer or any kind of illness for that matter. Where other old people need to spend the rest of their natural born lives in the hospital, mom does not. Where they would lay down and admit to being a vegetable for the rest of their lives, mom hasn’t. Perhaps the most crucial thing of all is that where other elderly people in the same situation are hooked up to oxygen tanks, mom basically gave this the middle finger. It was offered to her but she wanted to remain as capable as anyone not suffering from cancer. You see, all of the above listed differences, (starting with mom potentially needing to stay in the hospital for the rest of her life and ending with the need for an oxygen tank,) describes an old person….one who is as old as Thelma is. No matter how old she gets, she will never be classified as an old lady. At 100 years old, she’ll still be able to do everything a 20 year old can do.

You see, the biggest problem with this movie isn’t Thelma’s age, it’s her complexion and who she reminds me of. She comes across as a cross between Roseanne and my deceased grandmother. Also, the house she lived in was very unappealing to look at and I have to be honest in saying that in literally the first scene of this movie, I lost my appetite for my popcorn just because of the look of that disgusting woman. Maybe it’s just the type of person I am. I’m used to watching movies where women my age usually engage in the deed with other men, (which is my way of describing sex,) where I’m really glad there was no sex scenes or even kissing in this movie as that would be just as much, if not more disgusting that seeing her in this movie in the first place. The last thing I need to see is a fuckin 100 year old woman naked.

I think the only reason I saw this movie is because I was expecting more from it. After watching the trailer, it appeared to me as though the woman would be similar to the character of Madea created by Tyler Perry. Those who know Madea understand that he/she, (I’m not sure if it’s a man or a woman but Madea is portrayed as a woman in character,) is no nonsense despite his/her age and has been known to give people half his/her age a run for their money when they try to get the better of her. The trailer in this movie suggested that Thelma may be that kind of person, thus giving it a comedic background similar to the Madea movies. However, I do know that Tyler Perry would not waste a cent of his money to produce such bs as this film was.

The biggest problem I have is that I need to save my movie trips for when there are movies worth seeing…..ones that I can at least write a positive review for. I don’t think I’ve written a review that wasn’t at least somewhat negative since Garfield the movie. I mean, hitman wasn’t the greatest either but at least it had some good deed scenes as I will call them, (once again deed refers to sex.) However, in terms of watching a movie that I was have been able to follow first of all but also one that wasn’t basically complains from start to finish, there has not been one of those in a while.

Stay tuned for my next blog which will likely be on one of the movies I have here and thus, it may actually have some positivity within the review.

Movie rating: 0 out of 10