I want to make it clear that blogs being posted this early is a one time occurrence. It is only being done strictly because I have to get things off my chest before I see mom today. Now you may be wondering why I’m up so early. People who know me would likely not see me with enough energy at this point in the day to even talk clear enough to formulate a sentence given the fact that I’m not a morning person….something that nobody seems to respect since they constantly schedule me for appointments ETC early in the morning which stresses me out to a degree that I fail to get any sleep the night before. I woke up this morning with severe back and neck pain that even Tylenol and Aleve together aren’t subsiding. I’ve also come to the realization that I likely will never have a girlfriend as long as I live and I had hallucinations of Madison Pettis from the movie “American Pie Girls Rules,” (the blog for this movie has already been completed even though I failed to see the whole movie.) However after a little while I told myself she was out of my league and that I would never have a chance at love much less with her who is rich and famous and who actually has self respect as I feel nobody with that quality would fall for me especially since I have minor health problems for which I’m going to the doctor this morning.

The biggest problems I have are with girls that aren’t mine. Can you see the problem with this? I said “girls who aren’t mine.” Therefore I have problems with every girl in the universe since I feel like I’m a loser to the point where now that I’m 34 years old, I feel like no girl will ever be mine. This means that I have problems with everybody because everybody thinks I’m a loser with the exception of a few people who don’t.

The problem is that every damn time we I plan something with Chris, he needs his wife’s permission to go to where ever we decide to go. This weekend we are planning a trip to Toronto with mom and like everything else, if she doesn’t want him to go, then it means we’re not going. Ok so this isn’t the truth but I always seem to allow myself to believe this which causes stress and eventually makes mom not want to do things with me. I knew I had to act fast and write this down before I saw her today which is the reason for this blog.

Deep down I’m really desperate for love. I wish I had problems like a woman telling me where I can and can’t go though people seem to say that this is to my benefit in not having a girlfriend. I’m the only person in my family without a girlfriend and this is damaging my self esteem. I just want to be loved and respected. My first relationship didn’t end so well but this was all because of hormones. I feel like these days, I have a lot to offer women but there’s just been no one willing to accept what I have to offer. While I don’t want to relive the horror of my teenage years, (which is one of the main reasons I would say I do not want a girlfriend since I know that I probably wouldn’t be able to come back from the issues I had as a teenager,) I feel like I cannot cope mentally being the only one in my family who isn’t holding someone at night who wants to be held. It keeps me up all night which is one of the reasons for my bad sleeping habits and almost drives me to tears. I just want someone to love me. In saying this, I don’t mean someone like mom who I know already does. I mean someone who I can make happy and cuddle with at night ETC. It hurts being without someone. Maybe I’m not the most attractive person in the world. I may have some mental issues and I may not be as charming as those around me. I know that my behaviour would lead most people to believe I’m not boyfriend material and that I don’t deserve anybody but you have to understand that beneath all the bad tendencies is a man who cares…..a man who is human but most of all, a man who is desperate for anyone to call themselves his girlfriend.

I’ve lived half my life as a single guy. I want to live the rest of my life in the company of a beautiful girl. Everybody needs somebody. It doesn’t matter who you are or what your situation is, love is all you need. Once again, I do not mean the love that mom gives. I strictly mean a girlfriend.