Admittingly this is one of my biggest problems. I spend way too much time thinking about the past as if it’s currently relevant. This is especially the case when someone who I’ve encountered from the past had an issue with me that was unresolved up to the current point even if I knew I was never going to see that person again. I can think of many instances where the past has been thought about. These thoughts bring about mostly negative reactions as more often than not, I tend to remember the bad over the good. Before I get into the one part of my past that is good, I want to discuss the other parts of the past that I think about that aren’t. The most notable of these occurrences came in the years following the end of my first relationship. The relationship ended by parental force after my anger got the better of me in front of her and her mother wouldn’t allow her to see me anymore because of this. Despite me knowing she was gone, (and even after she moved out of town,) and having no contact with me or my mother ETC, I had a really hard time accepting that she was gone as I had a tendency to remember the problems I had when we were an active couple, (ones that I currently know are were not her fault but were made to be that way as I was still processing the fact that she was gone,) and would act accordingly as if those problems were currently relevant in the present day. Though I will not get into detail as to what these problems were, it took me a good five years to fully accept that she was gone. In those five years, my behaviour and my overall sanity took a turn for the worst and I was made to feel like a common criminal, with these problems even necessitating the possibility of law enforcement getting involved numerous times, though this did not happen and to this day, thankfully my record is clean. Another thing that suffered a great deal was the relationship between my mother and me. In this five year period, our relationship was on an up and down basis with it unfortunately being down more than it was up. This is why those around me are skeptical for me to have another girlfriend as they fear I will go through the same problems and that I may actually end up dealing with law enforcement this time around given my age. For my part, despite my apprehension, having a girlfriend does remain a possibility given my current age and maturity level. While this is one of many instances where I have remembered the bad other than the good, this scenario is the one that stands out to me the most as it had the greatest impact. On a different note, the one thing I remember that is good is my childhood. Every so often, I will even forget that I no longer live with mom and I still wish some days that I did. Also, when I come across a movie or a tv show or a song that was relevant in the 90’s and 2000’s, (the year where I was a child as I am currently 34 years old going on 35 years old,) it brings about positive memories while also bringing about negative ones as I remember the situation I was in back then and realize that life was better with mom.
In terms of thinking ahead to the future, I have to be honest in saying that I have a hard time thinking about anything that’s currently relevant or getting behind anything, (movies, music,) ETC that was made in the present day as I feel like things are not as good today as they were back then. I’m a fan of the classics as it relates to tv and movies and some music. When I do think about the future, it usually results in mom saying I’m stressing too much if I remind her of something we’re supposed to do every time we talk and unfortunately, this has lead her to say that she will be careful not to plan things with me if I’m going to stress about them.
As much as I say I don’t look toward the future, there are a few things in the present that I look forward to. At the top of this list is ironically me finding another girlfriend. Hopefully this relationship will not end but if it does, I hope it doesn’t take me five years to get over her though. I don’t think my family will appreciate it if I’m taken away by the authorities because of someone who was supposed to make me happy.
Now this is the long version of my answer to this question. The short version is that I look at the past more than the future. As for why this is, it’s simply because the past was better than the present and if I could, I would move back in with mom in an instant just to relive those days…..the good old days to use the old saying. The present just isn’t as good as the past was. I would do anything to relive those days.
JJsMovieRoom 
Leave a comment