I’m really not the kind of guy who cares about others or who wants to me others. I’ve never been one to show respect to others if it didn’t benefit me to some degree. I could be nicer to some people in public. While there’s been a few people who have commented negatively about the way I act, the fact is I really don’t care. I’ve always been the kind of guy who tends to overlook other’s needs, ETC. Pretty much, the whole world and everybody in it should be given a middle finger as far as I’m concerned. Now you might think that this is the kind of thing which should be said by a criminal who has recently been incarcerated. Maybe this type of thing would be said by somebody who committed some terrible and horrible act, someone who at one time had the respect of everybody around him/her only to have it taken away by some act of violence or crime towards another regardless of the real reason they had for doing it. The fact is that the law doesn’t care. You commit any sort of crime, you subject yourself to imprisonment.

Well in my case, there’s two things that would cause me to be imprisoned and incarcerated. To be fair, they’re sort of linked together. The first thing would be for me to have any sort of girlfriend or love interest and god forbid we ever get married. The second thing is to have mom unavailable to me for any length of time for whatever reason. She may be working but as the last year or so has taught me, she may be in the hospital but this is another story.

For years as I have gotten older, people have made the same comment as it pertains to my relationship with mom. Most people believe that she coddles me too much especially for a man my age. They even have gone as far as to label me as spoiled by her. This may be true to an extent. However, I don’t perceive it this way. I just prefer to see it as a man who has a great relationship with his mother despite entering adulthood and approaching middle age. This is meant to make mom feel good especially since logic would dictate that a person my age would have moved on with his/her life and on a personal level, other members of my family have not given her the respect she deserves. Those people have been pretty much blacklisted from mom’s life. What makes this worse is the fact that they really don’t care how much they hurt or insult her as well they make no attempt to try to reconcile with her. I refuse to be like that. My mom was always so good to me growing up and I will never forget the great childhood she gave us. I’ve always been a fan of mom. I made it my personal mission when the time came for me to move out on my own that I would not be the type of son who moves on with his life and spends days maybe even weeks not talking to mom, (even if my own life is disrupted by this.) I’ve always tried to keep my promise that I would talk to mom every day and that nothing would happen without her approval, ETC.

I first moved out in 2015 and despite being 25 years old at the time, I still chose to live life like I was still a child, a fact that was pointed out by a man who served as my therapist in the first months of me living alone. He pointed out how my over dependence on mom at my age has pretty much caused me to lose grip on reality and believe I’m still a child. He also said that my continued issues with behaviour upon not reaching her by phone or if she focused on someone other than me, if that person’s problems were more important than mine, ETC, it caused me to negatively react in the same way that a child would. While I was very appreciative of the advice given to me, I didn’t really believe it at the time. I didn’t think I was being childish but rather I was trying to keep my word and maintain a proper relationship with mom. This was something I could not do if I wasn’t able to reach her by phone or if she wasn’t able to reach me or if I was too busy with other aspects of life to talk to her for an extended period. Any of the above listed scenarios would have caused me to believe that my relationship was strained with mom for some reason. This usually results in me calling mom repeatedly upon not getting an answer from her on the first attempt with anger increasing each time I cannot get an answer from her as I felt like my theory of having a strained relationship with mom came true as her reason for not answering me stemmed from a lack of interest in me.

What caused that lack of interest you may ask? Well, this goes back to my issues that occurred with my first relationship where mom’s continued friendship with my ex girlfriend’s mother following our break up resulted in me believing she was romantically involved with my ex despite this never having been proven or even legal. It was my belief that my ex had been trying to force mom away from me out of revenge for the failed relationship. For mom’s part, I felt like she was doing this to get back at me for having gotten in enough trouble at the time to result in me being forced to live elsewhere. This was only proven more by the fact that mom was having problems with her ow boyfriend at the time where I had overheard her tell him she was going to find someone else. In my mind, that someone else was my ex. This only aggravated me more especially as mom continued to maintain her friendship with my ex’s mother, (though unlike what I was thinking, there was no intimate relationship between mom and my ex.) Despite knowing this, I continued to believe it was happening between them. This was only exasperated by the things mom did to supposedly help my ex’s mother, (giving her rides to school, giving her a co-op placement at her work,) ETC. Some of these things weren’t even done for me before I moved out. Mom and I would go days and weeks without talking to one another only for us to consistently go back and forth in doing so. Conversations would be going fine until I would say something negative to mom, especially pertaining to my girlfriend and her supposedly being romantically involved, which would cause her to implement another week worth of not talking to one another. I can’t help but think about the very last time I saw my ex girlfriend. My brother had stayed with my father and I one weekend. We drove to our house to drop him off that Sunday where I saw my ex in the driveway helping with a garage sale that mom was having where some of their items didn’t sell. As my father stopped the car, I saw mom put her arm around my ex for comfort, a gesture that was thought to have been sexual in my eyes. Of course, I reacted negatively, calling my ex a fuckin whore, a bitch, a cunt, a slut, pretty much anything that anyone can think of to be used as a curse word. Of course, mom naturally didn’t take too kindly to this and I was given another month suspension from talking to her.

In the weeks and months that followed, thoughts that mom and my ex were together continued only to have me respond in the same way over and over again until one day when I was holding a new cell phone mom bought to replace one that had previously broke. My ex’s mother called and asked where mom was and I angrily responded in the following way.

“I don’t know where mom is but go find your daughter. She’s probably with her in some hotel. Anyway, I’m pretty sure she’ll be easy to find once you find your daughter. Just look up the crack of her ass and you’re bound to find some part of mom in there. She’s probably going to be in front of her male boyfriend who is trying to get her out of your daughter’s ass. It’s nothing personal but your daughter just doesn’t allow guys in there. She’s a whore, a cunt, a slut, a bitch, a dirty disgusting rotten pig whose only purpose on life was to ruin my relationship with mom all because her legs are constantly spread open. So you know what? Don’t ask me where mom is because it’s a stupid question. If mom isn’t home or out doing groceries, chances are she’s been coerced into another private rendezvous with your hormonal rationally thinking challenged disgusting whore of a daughter. You of all people should know what a sexual deviant your daughter is. After all, you gave birth to her right? Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if your daughter is giving birth to the next generation of whores you call children/human beings. The fact is you’re daughter is a whore who has made the conscious decision to prey on my mother and ruin our relationship for her own sexual gratification. She’s a mother fucker. Quite literally wouldn’t you say? So I could be wrong in assuming where she is but let’s be honest for a second. The whole reason we’re not together anymore is because your daughter felt the need to close her legs when I tried to please her. We all know that your daughter needs a reason to open her legs as much as she needs to breathe right? Mom knows this so you know what? On second thought, it’s a stupid question. You want to know where mom is? She’s anywhere your skank of a daughter is and I just hope one day, someone finds her and arrests her or she has a seizure, one that doctors can’t cure but most of all, I hope that mom comes to her senses and starts seeing her in the same way that I do so we can move on with our lives and your daughter will have as much success as she does clothes on her body….none! You are nothing but a bitch who gives birth to disgusting sex crazed lunatic whores and if mom doesn’t do something about her influence herself, I will and trust me you don’t want that.”

My response to the question of where mom was at that point which was posed by her mother.

As with everything else in my life, when mom heard about what I said to my ex’s mother, I was given the business. This went on and on for months until the little whore and her fucked up family moved away to Brockville for whatever reason. I know this is getting off topic but I’m a huge Wrestling fan. My ex’s mother like MMA but wasn’t a fan of Brock Lesner. I on the other hand am a big fan of Brock Lesner and to be honest, I wish he could have been around in these moments to give my ex’s mother a real reason to not like him by breaking every one of their appendages and leaving them on the side of a road somewhere and maybe crushing them with his car.

Even after the nightmare was over and my ex had moved away, she played a really big part in our lives despite not being present. If mom was home late from work one night, she was with my ex. If I got into trouble for something unrelated to the events that occurred with her, it was her fault. If mom didn’t lift my grounding for something, it was because of her. If mom got pregnant by accident with her boyfriend, it was my ex she was getting pregnant from. All of the above occurred in what turned out to be a five year cycle where I was unable to let go of her influence on mom. Most of the time, people around me assumed that I still missed her and wanted to have sex with her. However, this was more than just a shattered soul or a broken heart, it was a way of life for me at this point and a nightmare for those around me, one that could have changed my life forever if someone didn’t take action.

Every five minutes, it was “my ex this, my ex that,” even though she had not been seen by me or anyone else around me for (insert number of years though within about five years because that’s really how long this lasted.) If something went wrong in my eyes, it was my ex’s fault. God forbid mom have her own life and come home late once in a while or not answer the phone once in a while, she was off having an affair with her again to get back at me. Pretty much, I would find myself blaming her for everything that went wrong in the years that followed our relationship. At times, this resulted in major blow ups where fights and arguments would occur with me either implying a sexual encounter between mom and my ex or mentioning it outright despite everybody basically pulling their hair out in trying to convince me that she’s gone while vocalizing their wish for me to never talk to another girl again, much less date one while my father sat there and asked himself why I even had to meet her to begin with.

At first I didn’t ask myself this question. However, a lot of things have changed since then and to be fair, I think they have changed for the better. However, I still have my moments where I remember the shit that took place and in doing this, it answers the question of whether I should have another girlfriend. I realize now that at my age, if the same situations were to occur with the constant police threats and fights between me and members of my family, I could end up incarcerated or worse. I could lose the respect I have fought so valiantly to earn from mom. I don’t think the world is ready for me to ever have another girlfriend and if I’m being honest, I now am asking myself the same question my father was all of those years ago……why did I have to meet her? I would have been much better off without her in the first place. As for the question of whether I should have another girlfriend or not…..I can answer that right now. As I said before, I’m a huge Wrestling fan and not Brock Lesner but Daniel Bryan can answer this one best. Should I have another girlfriend? As Daniel Bryan would put it…..NO! NO! NO! Life is better when you’re single. Because I’m single, mom and I can maintain our positive relationship.