As the name of this entry implies, this is a continuation of the entry titled “The Biggest Pet Peeve I Have,” in which I discussed how mom seems to have a general interest in trying to get me to have more people in my life than I want despite me telling her so many times before that I have no desire to find anyone new and that any money spent on enrolling me into these groups would be a really big waste. Of course, the same situations occur where I get mad and vocalize my disinterest and dissatisfaction in having to join (insert group,) only to be forced to by mom as she believes I may find my girlfriend who I don’t even want anymore. I start (insert group,) and then a few days into the session, I begin to get annoyed with having to go there having not found friends/a girlfriend and believing that I should be doing other things, ETC. A big fight breaks out where mom finally gives in and tells me I don’t have to go to (insert group,) and that she will never enroll me in another one again. This is a fact that seems very harsh but it is one that I want because of my belief that I don’t need anymore friends than the ones I already have and nobody can ever forget what happened with my first girlfriend. The problem is that the only one I have now is imaginary and she angers me to no end, (I honestly wish I could swear right now because the truth is that despite her being imaginary she p—es me off.) The truth is it’s not my intention to anger the online community with use of profanity but those people who are old enough to know what I said should be able to understand what I meant despite the blank spaces. The way I look at this is she’s not a person. She has no name. No personality. No body. No opinion, ETC and despite this she angers me. If an imaginary being can anger me this much, I’m sure everybody would agree that the last thing the earth needs much less me is to have a real one….a fact that has been determined by numerous people over the course of the last decade now which is how long it feels like since I’ve had a girlfriend. Knowing this, I would have thought that mom would have not tried to enroll me in these groups anymore given what could happen, yet she continues to enroll me in this group, that group, even when she initially says at the end of one, “I will never enroll you in any group again,” which to me sounds like she’s just saying that. Two months, two weeks, but I think in this case it was about two years actually, (the longest gap between my enrollment in any program,) after her initial declaration, she will once again change her mind due to the influence of others either believing I get off too easy or with the girl’s mother unable to keep her mouth closed in relation to this topic, she will let it slip that Chris and the girls attend, (insert group/social club) ETC, which for some reason makes mom believe that I have to. I keep telling her “Mom, it doesn’t matter if Chris and the girls attend, (insert group/social club,) ETC, I don’t care. We can still be friends even if I don’t join. Why do I have to join just because they do?” ETC. It gets on my nerves when mom mentions that the initial reason that I should join is because they are joining something. (Insert group/social club) ETC can just be something that involves them and not me. It wouldn’t effect our friendship at all. What makes it even more annoying to me is when I get no support from my friends, (specifically Parastou in this case,) when I voice my dislike for joining, (insert group/social club,) ETC and a big fight starts between the two of us when she tries to defend mom’s reasoning for sending me. The problem is that the fight escalates to where Chris tries his luck at doing something I have warned him not to do to me as he will fail miserably. He will get mad and start yelling at me which in turn causes everything to dissolve into utter chaos and forces me to believe we shouldn’t be friends . It’s happened before with different things, even something good like the birth of my first nephew where emotions got the best of us and we fought tooth and nail that night.

So in this chapter, I want to talk about what mom should expect to happen since I’m being forced to join lunch ability this Friday. I’ve made it clear to this point that I don’t want friends in my life/a girlfriend, the reasons of which I’ve said so many times before in so many different entries that I’m not going to say it again. To those who read my blogs, just read some of them as many times as you need to and also read this one multiple times but the fact is that I’ve mentioned this so many times before. With this in mind, I said I would go there to make mom happy and that’s what I’ll do. However, that’s all I will do. I don’t care what kind of group this is, whether it’s a social group or not. The fact is that I don’t want friends or a girlfriend and even though I believe that this is mom’s intention in sending me to this place, (for me to be socially active,) ETC. I don’t care if every other person goes there with the intention of having more friends than they do anything else, how many other friendships are established between others, ETC. The fact is that I’m not one of those people. So mom may expect me to be social with others but I will just refuse to be. I will sit there in a corner away from everybody with my arms crossed and my mouth shut until it’s time to leave. If mom believes this to be a waste of money, well then maybe she won’t be as inclined to send me to these places. So now I want to send a little message to those people who I may come across.

Put your hands down. Don’t shake mine. Introduce yourself if you want but please don’t expect me to. The fact is that I was forced to be here by my mother and I’m very comfortable in my own skin. I’m not here to make friends but then again, anywhere I go, I have no intention of making friends so you shouldn’t feel bad. I’ll just be the guy sitting in the corner wishing I was not part of the group. Don’t worry if I serve as a distraction to any of you because I will not be returning after this session so you won’t have to worry about me. I’m just one of those people who wishes to be left alone so you might ask yourself why I’m there. The answer is to make mom happy. I’m the most antisocial person you will ever meet so therefore I have no place in this group where people come to be social. My mother is the only reason I’m going here, the only reason you will ever see me. I wish I could stay home but that’s not an option.

I’m going to be honest in saying something. While Chris is still the only friend I have and want, things have changed in regards to how much time I want to spend with him. I’m just noticing this now. There was a time way back when that I used to get annoyed when the girls were home because it meant that Chris and I couldn’t hang out as much as I liked. In response to this, people used to tell me that I need a break from him anyway, presumably after we have spent an extended time period together in the girl’s absence. I used to argue this point while everybody used to fire back at me and say things to the effect of, “You need to understand he’s married now. You’ll have your chance some day, ETC. Now I say way back when. What I really mean is when I lived at Pullen. This was at a time in my life where I had gotten so used to spending time with the gang every night, going up to their house, them coming over to my house, ETC, that it got to a point when I felt lost and unsure of what to do by myself when Chris and the girls weren’t around. I would sit around in anticipation for their return like the family pet who sits at the door until the owners return. During their absence, I did nothing of significance on my own and most times resolved to be out myself on days when they were where I would not return until hours after they have. It was clear to me that I had a problem. Once I moved to my new house, I didn’t have that problem anymore. Nobody here comes into my apartment and in turn I don’t go into their apartment. The issue was clear. I could not live comfortably in my own skin living with my friends under the same roof. I become too dependent on them for entertainment. These days, I would much rather be alone because this is what I’m used to now. As I said before, things have changed significantly now that I’ve moved to a different building and I will come clean with something I notice about Chris since I know he does not use this site.

Not only have things changed as far as me needing to be around them all the time. It’s now gotten to a point where having Chris around, (despite him still being welcome,) has resulted in me having to break numerous routines because of him being present. This could be an outing I had planned or sometimes on a day when he’s scheduled to visit, I become tired about an hour before he arrives and I’m forced to stay awake, (something I’m sure mom would approve of to my dismay,)and he’s honestly just another person I have to entertain. This isn’t so much a problem more as it is an annoyance. Also I mentioned earlier that we have had our fights in the last few years, sometimes involving his wife but most of the time, it will be because of me having to deal with something undesirable in my own life and the most notable problem was me losing my pouch which holds my wallet, ID and phone in the middle of the street, ETC. Whatever the reason for it, I have an anger attack where I scream uncontrollably no matter where we are. This has happened at numerous public settings, most notably because of financial restraints and the belief that I have no business in that particular setting due to inability to afford things, ETC. The point is that he takes notice of this and then he starts yelling at me, then his wife starts yelling me, even Parya who never yells has done so at me before. What I’m trying to get at is the fact that my friends even annoy me sometimes and their supposed to be my friends. If I get annoyed by them sometimes, it’s obvious I cannot handle anybody new so therefore, this group that I’m being forced to join by mom is a bad idea. I’M INTROVERTED and that is HOW I’M GOING TO STAY.