For somebody who was only using his computer once a month to buy his bus pass at one point, I feel like I’ve gotten a lot more use out of these days just on this problem alone. Anyway very few entries I’ve written in my whole life, not just on this site but in my 34 years don’t require a follow up of any kind as I tend to get everything out in one shot. Well, this particular topic which discusses a certain pet peeve I have has been bad enough for a part 3. Years ago, mom paid $700.00 for this laptop as a Christmas gift and I feel as though she’s gotten her money’s worth just on this subject alone as each new development adds another element to the story while unfortunately adding to my stress. However, this time I’m used to using the computer to journal my frustration.

So apparently I’m not the only one who has been dragged against their will to go to lunch ability this Friday. I just found out that the gang is going as well. The difference is in how their handling it vs how I’m handling it. I’m sure they have spilled their guts all over the keyboard of their computer saying that they don’t want to go, that it’s for nothing, ETC. As would be expected from Parya, I have been doing nothing but stressing every since finding out I’m going. As mentioned in part 2 of this entry, what the gang enjoys doing does not effect how I feel about them personally even if what they enjoy doing is something I hate. Pretty much any activity that the in laws force them to do are things I hate. This includes summer camps and the aforementioned lunch ability….two of many things that Parya herself enjoys which is only second to her enjoyment of my stress when I’m forced to do these things.

I have to say that I wasn’t in the best mood when I wrote part 2 which discusses this topic therefore I feel I was a bit harsh in my declaration that I would not socialize with anybody especially since the gang will be there. They’re people I already know. So I will socialize with the gang and nobody else. Once again I will say that I don’t care about the agendas of the gang, whether they make friends or not, it doesn’t effect me. As a matter of fact, I don’t care what Parya does while she’s there. If she wants to sit on the roof and declare herself the queen of the world, I’ll still be her friend. If she wants to find a girl and ride her like the carousel at the capital fair while Chris watches, I don’t care. Please excuse the inappropriate nature of these comments. The reason for this is because despite the fact that the gang is going, I’m still annoyed/angered that I have to go and when I get in these moods, I use sex to calm me down either by means of watching pornography or thinking things of a sexual nature which in turn usually cause moments of self pleasure on my end if anybody knows what I mean. What can I say? I’m single and whether I go to this place or not, I will still maintain my single status because I vow to not make any new friends or get a girlfriend.

This brings about another thing which causes annoyance to both Parya and I. There’s a bit of a running joke or thought for lack of a better term, (it’s not really that funny to me but Parya thinks it is,) that Parya is my long awaited girlfriend and has been interested in me the whole time. For different reasons, we both agree that everybody is just saying this. For my part, it’s because Parya is not the type of girl I would want for a girlfriend because of her disability limiting her ability to do anything to help me or anything that a good girlfriend should do, (more specifically the naughty.) In response to this, people say that despite her inability to perform in bed, she shows traits that could be attributed to a girlfriend, at least for someone who thinks of having one as being more than just a sexual partner. They say she laughs at my jokes and cries when I’m not around, ETC. To me, this does not constitute a girlfriend . Anyone can laugh at anyone else’s jokes no matter who it is and as far as the crying when I’m not around goes, well, small children and toddlers cry every time their parents leave. I’m sure this isn’t sexual. They just miss them because they’re used to having them around. Clearly, if crying is something small children do, it shouldn’t mean that a girl likes me. For her part, I think she just generally sees me as a friend and nothing else and thinks it’s ridiculous for others to believe we’re anything more than that. She doesn’t flirt with me. We don’t go on dates. We’re not getting married. We’ve obviously never had sex and for the love of god, we’re not having children. She just does that simply because she considers me to be one of her closest friends and because I make her happy.

Having said all of this, if it will make this nightmare of having to go to lunch ability go away, I will sarcastically say that Parya is my girlfriend to end my pursuit of finding one so I never have to go back to lunch ability or any summer camp again while accepting the fact that what she can give me is all I’m ever going to get. This means we will enter a sexless loveless childless relationship but you know what? Based on everything that happened with my first relationship, I think that’s for the better. I don’t mean to insult Parya in saying this but she is not what I would expect in a girlfriend. I want someone who is capable of giving me the good stuff first of all, (even though mom would be opposed to me getting just that and would expect me to actually treat her better than to just want sex with her.) With that in mind, I would appreciate a girlfriend who takes the same role as Chris takes with his wife. The girl should be able to assist me with my every day needs so that staff would not need to anymore. This person should also be able to always be around me where we would do things together similar to when I had my own appointed educational assistant in school to help me get through school. She would show up in the morning where we would take para places, go out to dinner and movies….ETC. Parya is a great friend and I know she thinks of me as a great friend to her but she simply cannot give me the things I would ask for in a girlfriend. To end this now three part entry on why I don’t want to meet people, I will once again say………

I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO LUNCH ABILITY WHETHER THE GANG IS THERE OR NOT! I don’t know how much more clear I can be. Mom just refuses to accept this.