Very few of my entries require a second part. Very few of my entries require a third part. Up to this point, none of my entries have required a fourth part. However, this one does. The problem is that the subject matter is not desirable. Each tome i think about this topic, it angers me. Having said that, for this particular entry, a new element has been added each time I have written a different part. You see, the problem is that mom is forcing me to go to lunch ability on Friday and for those who have read parts 1 to 3, I’m sure everybody is aware that I’m not too fond of the idea. However, I will say this. Some of the issues I have bring about past issues that are no longer relevant but deal with the same subject matter as what I’m currently dealing with. This is where part 5 of this saga came to be. I have to be honest in saying that I’m not feeling 100% at the time of this writing so this will be the shortest part of this story and hopefully the last.

Anyway, lunch ability is far from the first place mom has tried to send me to over the years in the hopes of me meeting someone new. As a matter of fact, her desire to find the perfect place for me to socialize dates back as early as my childhood. At some point in the early 2000’s, mom was introduced to rotary. Rotary is a respite place for people who have disabilities. Before I go any further, I will say that at some point, I wrote an except about this place where I detailed exactly what was wrong with it despite the sexual attraction of some of the female staff. Once a month, mom picked up the phone and scheduled me for a visit there despite numerous complaints and temper tantrums over having to go which got me nowhere most of the time. There was not one time I went there that I was happy to go. I had nothing nice to say about it despite others praising it for one reason or another. I would find every excuse to bash the service from the food they serve to their overall treatment of me but the most important thing of all was the main fact that I just didn’t want to be there as this was one of those places where the objective was to be social. For those of you who are wondering, nothing has changed in regards to this. I have yet to wake up and consider myself a socialite. Yet despite my constant complaints about going as well as the desire for me not to go, mom kept sending me over and over again which always produced the same result. The weeks leading up to my stay in what I consider hell would be filled with arguments, threats, punishments, ETC with me always coming out as the loser in the end. As well, during my visit, I would find every excuse to try and leave early, only succeeding in this attempt a handful of times. Anyway, if mom was getting tired of me acting this way, I would have thought she would have just stopped sending me not wanting to repeat the same stress over and over again but I was wrong. This is definitely one of those memories I want to suppress…..the ones of me having to go there which always seems to result in mom and I fighting.

Well, I can safely say that my days of going to rotary are finished but this hasn’t stopped mom from enrolling me in other groups including summer camps, (some of which have been overnight. For those of you who attended Merrywood camp, I was there,) where I once again did not have any fun despite mom believing I could be social with other people. If anything, I fought with most of them and still wanted to go home. I did not leave Merrywood camp with anymore friends than I walked in with.

There was also Y’s Owl, a group that I attended with Chris. Even with his presence, it did not have the desired result as mom wanted for me once again. Let’s not forget that the main goal in anybody attending these social groups is to find new friends and build your social circle. The problem is that this only works for people who are interested in finding new people to be friends with which I’m not. The point is that I walk in with not many friends and I walk out having made no new friends but this doesn’t bother me. I feel as though having new friends is a burden and having a girlfriend, well don’t get me started on that. Everybody knows what would happen if I had another one. I don’t even want to get into that. I’m so sick of talking about it.

Then there was planned parenthood. I don’t erven know what this group is supposed to be. It only lasted one session and once again, even with Chris there, I found no comfort in being part of that group. To put it into perspective, we took a trip to a farm. I saw a pig and a rooster. I think I made better friends with the pig than I did with any of the people there. However, most of the people there remind me of a pig anyway. I think I got along better with the rooster than I did anybody and this is saying something considering I’m ornithophobic. The fact is I do not like these places but yet mom keeps sending me and wasting her money to enroll me in what I believe to be insanity.

So now I’m at the point where I ask a simple question. Why does mom send me to these places even though she knows I hate them? Well, the answer is the main reason for the existence of part 4. There’s actually a couple of reasons I think this might be. For one thing, these days, most of the social activities I’m forced to enroll in are ones that the gang currently takes part in. Over the years, mom has had a tendency of allowing other people to influence the decisions she makes especially in regard to my social life. Everybody she talks to these days believes that mom allows me to get off too easily by not forcing me to be social or have any sort of structure, ETC. Day in, day out, she listens to the girl’s mother talk about how they’re enrolled in (insert group or social activity,) and she wants to be seen like a model parent. She believes a model parent would be someone who has raised their now adult children to not be the kind of people who want to be left alone and don’t thrive in their solitude. Another theory as to why she does this is because she’s afraid of how other people will view her if they find out I don’t have a job or any means of structure in my life. She believes that me being able to sleep when I want and pretty much do what I want will earn her criticism from other people. This belief is actually one of her biggest faults. The fact that she cares what others think even though I don’t. Yet she feels people’s perception of her parenting will be criticized if she doesn’t try to get me to be as social as everybody else. Well, the fact is, she will fail in trying to get me to enjoy lunch ability no matter how hard she tries.

From my perspective, the biggest problem is that she refuses to leave well enough alone and just be happy with me being like this. This is why she forces me to go to all these places and why she consistently insists that I go down and eat in the common room. She doesn’t respect my wish to just be that type of person who has enough friends in Chris, Parastou, and Parya. It always has to be that I have more. She says that I’m only going to lunch ability to socialize with other people. The fact is that there’s nothing I can do with the gang that can’t be done anywhere else. I don’t have to go to some stupid program with a whole bunch of morons who I don’t know or care about to play a stupid boring game of bingo while being served a second rate lunch that I’m pretty sure I won’t like. Another thing that gets me is the fact that she will be ok with me not being part of any group/social activity, ETC, for a couple of months or even years in dome cases only to change her tune on a dime the first time something comes up. This is what leads me to believe that there’s someone influencing her decision as I know mom would likely not just ask me out of the blue, (more like force me actually,) to do this especially as she would remember that her previous attempts did not end well as far as getting me to enjoy doing this. If this is the case and I find out who is doing it, I’m going to have a few choice words for that individual.

In closing, I will say this one more time…..I’M INTROVERTED. I will never willingly go to any group or social activity.