Even though logic would dictate that people should feel bad for the deceased, I feel like they are more to be envied than we are sometimes. I’ve recently done some thinking and came to a conclusion on this thought. In the afterlife, you literally have nothing to do. You have no obligations. Nothing can stress you out. At no point are you forced to do things you would rather not do. However, the most crucial thing that you do not need once you are deceased is money. While it is true that you no longer make money when you are in this situation, you are not expected to pay bills or buy anything. You don’t need to go anywhere or make anybody happy. You just need to lie there quietly and rest. You don’t feel pain. You’re not suffering and best of all, you never have to be afraid of saying the wrong thing and offending those you would rather not offend. Pretty much, however bad the situation is above ground does not effect you because you are below it.

Why do I bring this up you ask? Well, if it seems kind of random for me to being death into this, it is not meant to be random. The thing is that pretty much everything listed above has happened to me in the past week and it’s made me feel weak, sick, tired and cranky with those around me. Now even though the topic of money is seen as not a big deal where I’m concerned in the eyes of those closest to me, (as I do have some spending money which adds up to more than most people closest to me,) it is considered a big deal when I’m the one talking about it as I feel like I indeed have less money than those closest to me. Therefore, I cannot handle it when someone who I know has more than me is given gratuities that I’m not offered myself. I look at some people’s financial situation around me and question how they could possibly be hurting money wise especially when their available money is 1000’s of dollars more than I have and that if I had that much money myself, I wouldn’t have a reason to complain. Well, I got upset because today at bingo, I was three numbers away from securing the $1000.00 jackpot until someone else in attendance yelled that word which is the name of the game thus derailing my chances of securing it. I came in with what I had considered to be nothing and would have left with what I consider to be a fortune, albeit a small one, but instead I left with nothing. This brought me to the conclusion that I would not do good on any game show due to the fact that I may lose as I spent the better part of the last six hours sulking about not winning it as if I had actually lost lotto 649 itself when really it was just $1000.00. As a matter of fact, not only would I never compete on a game show but I would never play a game with real money at stake whether it’s a game show or not as the loss at this game would leave me depressed enough to indirectly threaten the host, (or in this case the bingo caller,) to shove the microphone used to call the numbers where the sun don’t shine for lack of a better term. I went as far as to call people who would try their luck at bingo stupid, (said indirectly of course,) and to be honest, I can’t stand bingo itself because I generally never win despite what the prize is, whether it’s money or some water bottle or knick knack of some kind. My win loss record at bingo as good as my relationship status. I’m good enough to come close only to lose in the end.

In an effort to try and redeem myself and give me an outing that would not stress me out, I went back to the movie well. I had decided to take up bingo as a way of trying to do something different other than going to movies and restaurants, ETC. However, this got me in trouble with mom as she believed I have spent too much money recently on eating out, going places, ETC despite me telling her that the reason I was going was because the loss at bingo had left me depressed and I needed something to lift my spirits. The truth was that as I waited for the bus in below 50 degree weather still broke as hell, I realized that I had no business getting involved with bingo as the reward was too real to say the least and it was no longer just a game once real money was involved. It was clear to me that my depression wasn’t over losing, it was having my chance at obtaining what I believed could have been a large sum of money, a sum which I may never see again unless it’s part of my monthly cheque. I realized then and there that the movies was the place to be as far as my entertainment goes hence the reason I chose to go there. Mom was unfortunately having none of it and a big fight ensued ending with me agreeing not to go out unless it was the weekend from now on as most of current fights stem from me going out too late during the week, (this is after supper,) and spending money crazy mostly on eating at restaurants and going to movies when I have food here to eat as well as a huge collection of movies I haven’t even watched yet.

So now I want to go back to the earlier portion of this entry. I feel like bringing the topic of the deceased up may be going too far but it does tie in with the point I’m trying to make. You see, the deceased don’t have these problems anymore. Any amount of money a living person has is more than they currently have. At the same time though, the deceased don’t have the stress of having to budget or knowing when they’ve spent too much or what they should be spending it on, ETC. However, any person currently living does have that problem and in my case, it causes me stress. I found myself having an anxiety attack and throwing up profusely at 1:30 in the morning two nights ago because ODSP did not send my cheque right away. The fact is I need that money to pay bills and to live in general. This is not for leisure activities such as movies, restaurants, and since I’m on the topic, bingo. I need that money to live. The point is that I could stay up all night worrying about how much money I have/if I will have enough to get me through each month, ETC where deceased people just have to lie there comfortably with no reason to grunt or groan or to be mad in general.

This is why I have come to the conclusion that if there was no money in the world, there would be no problems. If everybody just lived life in a bubble or as a deceased person, if no one person had more money than another, pretty much if everything in life was free, it would be better. Failing that, I wished we lived in a world where money didn’t exist. I wish we lived in a world similar to the deceased even though we are still living. If all we had to do was sit around in our houses and watch tv and relax, the world would be a much better place if it wasn’t run by the need for money. To be fair, I’m sure there’s a lot of people who believe that money doesn’t exist anyway.

As I write this, I think back to all the celebrities that have died during my 35 years, (some even currently.) In my opinion, they’re more to be desired than at least me sometimes as they will never have to struggle with anything again. I’m sure a lot of people would agree with me.