I do apologize in advance for anyone that may be offended by the topic which is discussed within this post and also I ask that you do not think any less of me for what I’m about to say as it could serve to put me in a bad light and I may come across as arrogant or self centered. The fact is though that what I’m about to write is something I’ve kept in for years with the fear of being seen as a bad person by those around me. Having said that though, these thoughts are now more than I can handle and I need to release them.

When it comes to people who provide me service, I go by one rule. They work for me, not the other way around. When the person providing me service also provides the same or a similar type of service to others at the same time, what doesn’t apply to me is something I do not care about. With that being said, I will refuse to do anything to help the person if they are running late for the next person needing service or may be potentially late due to the amount of care I need or how long it takes me to complete, ETC. This is something that has happened numerous times in my life where I have been rushed by a person who is paid to service me in some way, not for my own benefit but the benefit of others. Over the years I’ve questioned other’s need for service and I’ve been given the same answer, (rightfully so.) This is of course “none of your business.” So let me put things into perspective for everyone. What does the phrase, “none of your business,” mean? Well, it’s taken on numerous meanings throughout the course of my life. Early on, it was seen as a derogatory comment which defined exclusion from something that someone else was doing. Upon hearing this phrase, I would almost always cry. Over the years though, I have been explained more and more of the meaning behind this phrase and I’ve come to the conclusion that it really isn’t meant to be harsh at all. It just basically means that I will not have to deal with whatever the situation is or the resulting occurrence from said situation. In other words, if something is none of my business, I don’t have to care about it because I have no reason to.

Although this phrase was seen as harsh at first, it is now many years later a phrase that I live by and actually have no problem using against people myself. I look at it in the sense that the more situations that are none of my business, the less I will be forced to deal with and honestly, being as lazy as I am, I don’t want to deal with it for the simple reason being that it’s not my situation to deal with. I won’t gain anything from it. It won’t benefit me at all so I really don’t care.

This phrase is something that I live by so much that it may even be taken to an unhealthy level. At times, I go as far as to say that I don’t care/give a (profanity used to describe the person/situation currently happening,)and that (insert situation,) is their problem while admitting that it’s none of my business, ETC. Now this is said in response to some people rushing me through my own service in order to get to that person as their care is more important than mine due to the higher amount of need than I require/having to maintain a schedule for that person, ETC. Pretty much, those situations that pertain to other people should not be brought to my attention nor should I have to rush so that people providing care can assist that person.

The first of these occurrences took place at rotary about 23 years ago. If anybody can remember reading one of my earlier posts, (I think it was one of the daily writing prompts,) on this place, they would have read that rotary was not a place I ever wanted to go. It was a place that my mother felt she had to send me if I was bad or if she needed a break from me but she never accomplished getting me to go willingly as there was always a fight in the weeks or days leading up to me going there as well as during my visit. A sort of unrelated fact to this story is that eventually my phone calls home during the visit were in danger of being pulled all together when pressure began to mount during them with me wanting to go home early/not wanting to return when the current visit ended, ETC.

So with rotary being a place I didn’t want to go already, the last thing I needed was to feel like the workers there had control over me and would be able to tell me when to do certain things. Well, this is exactly what happened during one visit. I remember it like it was yesterday.

After dinner one night on the first night I was there, I was in my room with my room mate who went to the same school as me. After being told to get ready to put my pajamas on and failing to oblige, (due to me not wanting to listen to his instruction due to me not wanting to be there,) he got mad at me as he returned to the room having left for a second to find that I was not yet prepared. He got under my skin when he announced his need to care for my room mate at a certain time, therefore making it appear as if he was more important than me. After making the suggestion that the other person go first due to the higher need of that person, he stubbornly said that he had to get me done first which lead me to argue saying that I didn’t want to be there first of all, and that if he didn’t want me there, he could pick up the phone and call my mother to pick me up saying that I could not do it myself as mom would most likely not come if I asked but would most likely come if someone in a position of authority was to make the call. After he said he wouldn’t do that, I finally gave in but cried first. I told him that it was bad enough that I was forced to be in this place, (these days I would likely use profanity to describe it as I’m now old enough to do so,) so if things were going to go smoothly at least, that person or any staff would not have the right to tell me when to do certain things. To show you how much time has passed since this incident occurred, almost all of the dialogue used by me would have contained profanity rather the attempts to not anger him by using gentle words. If the same situation was to occur these days, it would have basically been a heated argument with me not caring how he felt about what I was saying.

The fact is that what he needed to do with the other person was none of my business so why should I move fast and hurry for them if I’m not getting anything in return or if it doesn’t benefit me? Face it. I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE NEED OF OTHERS. IF IT DOES NOT EFFECT ME, I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO RUSH MYSELF FOR THE NEEDS OF PEOPLE THAT ARE NOT ME ESPECIALLY SINCE THE NATURE OF THOSE NEEDS ARE NONE OF MY BUSINESS. I WON’T DISPUTE THIS FACT ANYMORE BUT AT THE SAME TIME, I DON’T CARE AND WHY SHOULD I CARE?

The example given was just one of many that have occurred over the course of my life. The reason that this is brought up currently is because I have similar problems in the present day. This will be discussed in part 2.