Daily writing prompt

When is the last time you took a risk? How did it work out?

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As a rule, I don’t take risks.; I’ve never been a gambling man and with the exception of a few people in my life, I have very intense trust issues especially when things haven’t worked out previously with something I initially put my trust in. As I’m writing this though, there was one time in my life where I took a risk. This unfortunately ties in with the horror that was my first relationship. By now, everybody knows why it didn’t work out and about the fact that I don’t know if I would ever consider getting back out there with fear of my past issues resurfacing. This is in fact a risk I’m not sure I’m willing to take again. However, what people may not know about my first relationship is that there was a time when I was in love with my then girlfriend now ex. A time when we both thought we would be together forever and even get married. I will say that deep down everybody thought we loved each other to the point where marriage was a foregone conclusion. This was obviously before the events took place that made me regret even meeting her and wishing I had stayed single. However, I can emphatically say that the biggest risk I took was during that period when I felt that it was time for our first kiss. As everybody should know from having read my previous posts about this, it took pace in my bedroom which I shared with my two brothers at the time. Having stopped myself from doing it so many times before with fear that I might get into trouble from mom, (this was due to the fact that I basically was forbidden in engaging in any intimacy which is something else you will read about in my previous posts regarding this topic,) but the initial thought was that if I was getting in trouble for simple things like holding her hand and even wanting to be close to her that kissing her would be a crime in mom’s eyes. I struggled with this feeling as well as the thought that she was not ready and might say no or even not like me as a result. In the end, I could no longer take it. In some ways, my body could not handle it anymore, (this is online so I can’t divulge what was happening,) and hugs became more frequent and longer in length than they were previously. At one point, I told her I needed to talk to her about something but before I could get the word out, she was able to figure me out and we ended up making out. This really became our trademark as we would do this pretty much anytime we weren’t in school which was to the dismay of both of our families. Anytime we were together outside of school, no matter who was present in the room or how much they complained about it being gross or inappropriate and even disrespectful, we still made out all the time. At certain points, we even found ourselves engaging in this action in the back seat of both of our parent’s cars. I know I say currently that I cannot stand the ground my ex walks on these days but looking back on this, I really don’t see how I could have disrespected her at all with the way we used to act towards each other. Maybe this is a sign that I really haven’t analyzed the full situation because if I had, maybe I wouldn’t have been angry all of these years and who knows? We might still be together. I mean, clearly a person who doesn’t loved someone else would not engage in those acts. It was a really good thing we had going for us. We loved each other back then and it took me until just now to realize it. I shouldn’t have been angry or said the things I said and now I regret all of the time wasted continuously getting mad at her in the years since our breakup and even worse, blaming her for things she had no idea about ETC. Maybe I should have been remembering all of those good times we had. It might have been much easier on me and I would have saved myself a lot of stress to say the least.

To answer the question though, the biggest risk I took was attempting my first kiss with my girlfriend back when we dated and it paid off really well.