The title of this post perfectly sums up what happened tonight. I’m used to things like this happening actually. I can be ok one minute and that at war with someone/something the next. This could be for various reasons both real and fictional and sometimes it is to do with my health as have been known to feel under the weather randomly for the last couple of years. With all this said, I guess nothing is really any different than it has been before.

One of the biggest issues I have in life is money. I tend to see things on the surface and at face value, (so therefore as they appear and nothing more.) To my eye, I never seem to have what I would consider is enough money for anything while others in my family claim that the problem lies with how I handle it and my failure to take stock of what’s needed at the present time. What most people don’t realize is that there’s a timeline for when stress will begin as it relates to this topic. Usually if I’m broke, (or what I consider to broke,) for more than two weeks, it starts to trigger effects on my behaviour which are not pleasant. This tends to get worse based on the current situation, if I feel like I should have more or if someone else gets to do something thar I can’t afford, ETC. This is usually when I get mad. You see, right now my friend is on a trip to Montreal. To my knowledge, it takes way more than what I have to go there so as far as I’m concerned, it’s just another way for them to flaunt their wealth in my face. In an effort to try and make some of my own money, I decided to plan a yard sale in the next couple of weeks only to realize that I don’t have much to sell. When I started thinking that the yard sale may not work due to low sales, it triggered an anxiety attack. Even though this one wasn’t as bad as the other ones, it could have been handled better.

The biggest problem I have is though I’ve tried to set myself up with ways to make extra money on the side, nothing seems to work. I tried my hand at reviewing movies and answering the daily question and I have since taken to writing again….and for what? I haven’t made one single dollar despite having written about six stories , a few of which are posted on the site that I know some people have seen because they’ve given it a like. A simple like doesn’t really pay bills though and let me be honest about something. This comes as my friend’s wife published her book and makes good money on the sale of it where I don’t make a dime. So I suppose jealousy could play a bit of a part in why I’m not myself.

My mother suggests getting a job to boost my finances. Well, the truth is what do you think being an author is? Aren’t authors supposed to be right up there in terms of movie stars and making the big bucks? Attempts I have made to get my stories even read, never mind published have fallen on deaf ears at least for now. I don’t buy the old cliche of “You do what you like because you like it and not because you think you’re going to get money from it.” The fact is that I need money. Everybody needs money to survive. Liking what you do really means nothing if you don’t get paid for it. If nobody ever needed money, what’s the sense of there being any jobs? Why don’t people just sit down and do nothing in their lives if that’s the case? I know a lot of people would agree that it would be a lot less work. Well, the fact is that I’ve found something I’m good at….something that pays well but for some reason, I’m not yet getting paid for it. I really hope I do soon. This is what stresses me out more than anything. I rediscover my passion for writing which is a job that pays well and I get nothing for it. I always thought authors made a lot of money. I guess I was wrong. I sure hope someone proves me wrong very soon.

I hope this gets better soon.