You know it never ceases to amaze me how a question such as the one I’m answering now comes up when it’s legitimately relevant at that point. This question in particular is “What bothers you and why?” Coincidentally this question comes at a time when I’m dealing with something that has the potential to (sorry for the use of profanity as I know this is online,) piss me off. Now it is true that I do have a tendency to over react to things and I even tend to become angry at things that have yet to happen and even tend to get mad at things before I even know they will happen. Well, this is a case of me getting mad at something despite it not even being made official yet. The problem is that I have done some figuring out. I’ve addressed the calendar in my head and even though what I’m angry about has not been confirmed yet, it looks like it may be any day now based on the timeline I was given for the impending situation to happen.

Sorry I know this is a lot to take in. I’ve been told by many people that I over explain things sometimes. Anyway, a few months back, I had a little meeting with some kind of person. I’m not even sure who this person is. She could be a doctor, a therapist, a psychiatrist, I really don’t know what her title was. I also don’t know what she wanted from me but I do know it was some kind of assessment. This person called me back a few weeks ago and said she wanted to meet with me again to discuss the results of some kind of test I took during the initial appointment. Now this call was made in June of sometime and she said she wanted to meet with me sometime in mid July. Well we are slowly approaching mid July and I’m expecting that call any day now. This doesn’t seem like a big deal on the surface but I’m worried that she may want to meet with me tomorrow…..coincidentally on the same day that mom has plans to take Chris and I to see Superman. Now logically if this was to happen, I would think the first thing mom would say, especially having bought the tickets for the movie already, is reschedule the appointment. The issue I have though is what if she doesn’t and I have to throw my much more desired plans to see a movie out the window just because some random woman wants to see me. Now as I implied before, it more than likely wouldn’t happen tomorrow. I would think she would have reached out to mom and I long before now to schedule an appointment of this much importance with at least more than one day’s notice. The good news is that this is all I needed to calm down as I was initially frustrated over a sore back I’ve had all night as well but I think it’s pretty clear what bothers me and why.

You can call me any name you want, hit me with your fist until I bleed, you can throw things at me, take every cent I have, (enough people already do that. Without getting into detail because it’s private, I will say that I’m on the credit card company’s hit list due to how much I owe them,) and you may get me to complain at best. Trust me. I was complaining that the credit card company was being unfair for lack of a better term and using profanity. I even went as far as to tell mom to launch an attack at their headquarters, (which of course she didn’t do,) and my tirade was stopped simply by mom saying that if I took matters into my own hands, there would be hell to pay before telling me I was not to use my credit card again and to leave it at that with the threat of her not helping me if I didn’t. You see, people can call me a momma’s boy all they want but truth be told, everybody is lucky I have one because they save face, particularly the businesses involved with money but more importantly I save myself from jail time because I can’t even tell anybody how many times she’s stopped me from doing things I will regret to people I feel deserve it.

However, one thing that bothers me is when people impede, intercept , or make mom have to wait for time with me because of their own selfish need to do something first. I’m ashamed to say that this has happened many times but unlike me, mom says I need to respect people who have a schedule even if that schedule means she has to wait longer to put her two cents in where I’m concerned. She’s my mother. She comes before anybody. I don’t care who it is. This is just the way I feel though. The difference between how I feel and how she feels is that she cares where I don’t. People intercepting on our time together only prove to me that they have no respect for her at all but she doesn’t see it that way. This bothers me about mom if I’m being completely honest. She gave birth to me. She’s in charge of me and I value her more than anybody on this planet so everybody needs to wait at the back of the line. The line starts and ends with her. I really don’t know why but she doesn’t feel this way and even gets mad if I confront and/or criticize someone in her presence about taking time away from us. I tell them to get lost, to f off and to wait until mom is ready to be free. The problem is each time this has happened, no matter who it is but particularly staff, (I can’t mention names because this is online,) but every morning if we’re on the phone and they show up to do my care, I will tell them, “(insert name of staff,) go away and come back later,” or I will simply point at the door leading to my room and tell them to leave until I’m finished. The point is that every time this happens, I get in trouble especially when mom is on speaker phone and can hear the way I’m talking to them. It always ends with me being forced to end the call prematurely with a warning to not rush through the rest of my care. Failure to finish my care properly and without kindness usually results in mom being angry at me despite the fact that I’m only rushing them for her sake which she always says isn’t necessary and that she can wait.

I’m going to make this real simple. When mom is present, everybody else waits and if they don’t, this is what bothers me. As for why this bothers me, well it’s my mother so she should get special treatment. I really don’t care what anyone says.