As the title of this post implies, this note is being written as a visual reminder of one important detail which my be apparent to those who know me and those who stand or sit in front of me. However, this detail is not apparent to me even though I should know it is. Since I’ve been on this site, I know the whole reason for my place is to be giving movie reviews ETC. However, I have since used it as a platform to air my grievances on things and people in my life that have bothered me in the past or the present. Though the idea of this site is to generate as many likes as possible, I’ve never been one to care who likes me or what people think. In writing posts of any kind, I’m not looking for admiration or acceptance of anyone on this site. I’m not saying anybody has to like what I write. This is not limited to how I feel in terms of the internet community. It’s how I feel about everybody. I’ve never been one to want a social group of friends or to be the kind of person who cares about everybody. Unfortunately this is something about me that my mother seeks to change. For years she has been trying to get me to join social groups and find new friends and potentially a girlfriend. For those of you who have had the opportunity to read my post titled “It started with a simple text,” which I wrote before Christmas, you would have read that all it took for my night to become sour was mom’s admiration for me to join the group Lunch ability which was set to meet that coming Monday. Now saying that my night was sour was being generous as far as I’m concerned. I have a history of freak outs over the years that have been at times where people were trying to sleep in the middle of the night for a variety of reasons. However, for the first time in my whole life, I actually feared not only for my residency where I currently reside but I actually thought that I would end up in jail for the sheer brutality brought forth to not only the other people who live here but staff as well. There was screaming loudly, swearing towards people, throwing things and I can honestly say that it was the worst night of my life. To this day, I’m not sure what prevented me from going to jail. Maybe it was because it was Christmas. Worse than everything that occurred that night was the reason it occurred in the first place. All of this could have been avoided if mom wasn’t so keen on me being who I’m basically not. For some reason she has always had her heart set on me meeting people to enhance my social life when I have no interest in doing so. Well due to how bad this night was, it pretty much set mom straight. Though I did attend the group that Monday and the one that followed on December 12th, (it was a Christmas party,) mom made a pact that she would not force me to join any groups unless I really wanted to do so going forward. She finally came to this conclusion as she feared that a second bout of anger that bad would result in my incarceration. She finally accepts that the people that are in my life are the ones I want to keep. I don’t need to add anybody.

You know, I don’t even think I should have friends at all given the fact that I get annoyed by the ones that I currently have. Since Christmas of last year, my friend who is married has been annoying me by the lengths he has gone to care what his wife thinks as well as listening to her opinion on everything as if it’s relevant. I should probably mention that I don’t like her as we have had numerous arguments since they have gotten married. Through constant bouts of being forced to listen to her crap when she calls when he visits here, I finally told him what I thought of the relationship.

“You know something, (insert his name,) maybe in the eyes of the law you’re a married man but as far as I’m concerned, you’re not a married man. You basically play daddy to your idiot of a wife and her sister who cry when their ill or need to use washroom. I’m so sick of their bullshit and I have to be honest with you. I’m insulted that anyone would ever thinks that (insert name of his sister in law) and I would ever be together. Sure I try to make her laugh but I have to basically talk like an idiot, (a reference to the baby talk/gibberish language I use when talking to her which makes her happy,) to get anything out of her. Face it bud. Me and her f–king means I go to jail for sexual assault. You see, they may be in their 30’s but mom and I and even your dad see them for who they are. They’re not grown ups. They’re little children who want to be regarded as grown ups and the only reason they’re allowing you to be married is because they want to create that illusion that your wife can be a legitimate adult who is married. Deep down we all know the truth but why do we continue to treat them like grown ups? For your sake that’s why. Because we respect you but by no means do we give a shit about how they feel, well I can’t speak for mom but at least I don’t give a shit about them. As far as I’m concerned, they’re your problem. You married into this, not us and I’m sick of being dragged into your problems with those two children who you basically play daddy to. If I didn’t like you, you wouldn’t be sitting here right now. But do you see those girls sitting here? Do you know why I don’t want to go to your house anymore? It’s because I see you like nobody else does anymore. I see you as an individual. Everybody else can care all they want and see you as a married man but I refuse to. Most people buy into the crap that if they like you or respect you at all, they have to respect your wife and (insert name of his sister in law) but I don’t. I couldn’t care less about them. I will challenge everybody else and just give you respect while continuing to not care about them. As far as I’m concerned, it’s never been (insert their names as a unit.) It’s just (insert his name.) I will prove to you that you can and will have your own identity and that any part of your marriage that let’s not forget you and only you signed up for is not my problem. I will continue to see you as long as their not around but to me it’s just you and nobody else. So no more dragging her business anywhere around me because I don’t care about it.”

My rant towards my best friend after his wife called him during one of his recent visits.

You may be wondering what this has to do with my friend. It’s because it’s recently started to annoy me just how much he cares about her as I talked about earlier in this post. Something else has come to mind recently as well and this is that we may be the best of friends but we’re complete opposites in terms of the way we act towards others. Where he’s caring and respectful to his wife and doing things for her and caring about her, ETC, I would treat her in the exact opposite way if she was my girlfriend or if I had any girlfriend at all. I wouldn’t care if she got hurt or needed my help. It wouldn’t be my place to help her. I would say to go to the doctor’s or to ask her parents if she needed help. I’m not going to lie. The only thing I would want out of a relationship is the sex. I would not care about having any sort of relationship with her outside of the bedsheets and I certainly wouldn’t listen to her opinion on anything or give two fucks about anything she wants or heaven help her if she bosses me around. Well everything that I just mentioned has happened to my friend but once again, the difference is in how he responds to it vs. how I would. He puts up with it and respects her because he cares about making her happy. If I was in his shoes, I would tell her to fuck herself.

Well the constant bickering between myself and my friend has caused me to feel a little bit of resentment towards him. I’m less inclined to hang out with him anymore though we still do enough to be considered friends. Having said that, he’s nowhere near the friend he was back in high school and these days, he actually serves to annoy me more than make me happy especially in situations where I’m forced to listen to his wife bitch and complain. With that in mind, it puts to rest the question I’ve had for years about whether or not me having friends or a girlfriend is a good idea. The truth is if this is how I act towards someone who is my friend, I believe that having more friends would push me over the edge.

Having said all of this, the challenge for me is to realize that I don’t have a girlfriend. Occasionally, I lose sight of reality and believe myself to have a girlfriend. This incites the same problems I had involving mom as a teenager and I would act as if it’s relevant at that point and I will go off on a minor rampage which would usually last until I realize that she’s not real and that it was all in my head.

In order for me to maintain a sense of sanity and decency, it is imperative for me to never meet anyone again. This means that I should never go to another social group or speak to anyone other than my family and my best friend as I fear that too many people being involved with me could lead to very serious consequences.

The bottom line is and always will be…..I’M NOT A PEOPLE PERSON!

By Jefferson Bert