By this point, I’m sure everybody expects another post which describes the horror I think having a girlfriend or even another friend would cause in full detail. This has been the topic of every single one of my posts in the last week. I’m really getting sick of writing about the same thing over and over again but the problem is that no matter how hard I try to convince myself that having one isn’t a good idea, that I shouldn’t join social groups ETC, it still bothers me. I think I’m more bothered by the fact that it lead to a fight with mom earlier tonight but every five mins, I’m bothered by the images in my dream last night to the point where I can’t sleep even though I’m exhausted. I also have a splitting headache that even medicine won’t cure. I really don’t know how to combat this other than to write about it.

I CAN EMPHATICALLY STATE WITHOUT A SHADOW OF DOUBT THAT I SHOULD REMAIN SINGLE FOR MY WHOLE LIFE. Hopefully this will be enough for me to at least get some much needed sleep tonight.

I fear that my next step may be cutting off my entire social life all together which would include those who are already in my life too. I don’t want to have to do that but it is a possibility. Maybe this is a sign that unless it’s mom or my stepfather or my brother that I should just keep my mouth shut. It seems like this is literally the only thing I can do to save myself from certain doom at this point. If you’re not in my family, maybe I want nothing to do with you. As for what to do right now though, there’s really not much I can do except stay up until I’m comatose to be able to get to sleep.

I’m really trying hard to get to sleep as soon as I can but this won’t be easy.

By Jefferson Bert