By this point, I’m sure everybody is aware of the fact that my social life is very limited and how I should never have a girlfriend or a best friend other than the ones I already have. There is something that everybody may not know about me though. For as long as I can remember, mom has thought that I was just trying to be difficult in my decision to not seek out other friends. She felt like I could not let go of the past and while that was true, it was only true to a point. Something that only mom must know about me, (as I cannot recall ever admitting this in a post I have ever wrote to this point but if I have it’s been very vague,) is that my unwillingness to be social and to have groups of friends wasn’t always my first choice. As a matter of fact, there was a time when I wanted to be social. This was a time when I tried so hard to put myself out there and make new friends but after years of being shut down, I just gave up. This is the story of how this came to be.

As a young child, I was always eager to make new friends. I would go to certain places such as school, the park outside of the apartment building where I lived, and even some malls that I used to go to with mom. I used to have every intention to make new friends. My methods of introducing myself was nothing different from what was to be expected. I would do this the traditional way. I would walk up to somebody and say “Hi I’m Jeff. What’s your name?” While most of the kids I asked this to were happy to introduce themselves to me, others weren’t and they would tell me to mind my own business and gang up on me in some cases. My father thought this was because of my disability. I would be a victim of ruthless name calling and even physical threats just for trying to be a friend to some people. In one or two cases in my life, (though only one that I can remember,) parents of these kids or people in charge of whatever place I was at regarded my efforts as harassment. This is something I was not expecting. As I felt that I was doing nothing wrong, this caused a fight with the bullies ganging up on me physically and calling me names, ETC. In one case, a fight broke out between me and a group of kids when I attempted to meet some kids who didn’t want to be met. After the person in charge broke up the fight and asked me what caused it, they took their side and it got me kicked out of a recreational facility that I used to go to every week. When mom found out about this, she urged me to stay away from the kids and ignore them. As I felt that there was no point in me going to that place anymore, there was a warning put forth by mom that if another fight broke out where I was there that I would not be allowed to return.

At some point in the gymnasium of the place, I made an attempt to make another friend with a girl of Chinese descent. Not only did she not like me but she also mocked me for no reason and accused me of hitting her. When her dad came to pick her up, she pointed me out to him and said I assaulted her. The father went after me and told me off and mom showed up to pick me up at that very moment. She got mad and cussed him out while admitting that sending me there was a mistake as the children were just going to keep picking on me. This was despite my admiration for the place. This is something that I don’t have these days. Very rarely these days do I find a place that I actually enjoy going to.

Anyway the pattern of me being sent places and willingly going hoping to make friends and being shut down continued throughout the course of my childhood and into my early teenage years. It seemed like friendship just wasn’t meant for me as more kids kept telling me to mind my own business when I asked for their name while cussing me out in some cases and making fun of me for different reasons, (though most of the time, this was because of my disability.) All I wanted was to be accepted by children my own age but apparently this was too much to ask. No matter how nice I was to some people, they would pick on me. Having said that, this wasn’t the case for some of the kids I tried to hang out with. Some of them were happy to be around me. Unfortunately though, more kids picked on me than befriended me. Each time this happened, mom used to just tell me to ignore them.

As I remember those kids who used to pick on me these days, it makes me not want to even try to be social with anybody as adults as I fear the same thing will happen to me as an adult. There has been so me people over the course of my teenage years up until currently that have told me to mind my own business essentially when I ask for their name. One bus driver who I asked this to replied that I don’t need to know his name and that I should just speak to him if I need to. I think this happened in 2007 and at the time, I felt he was being harsh. However, I then began to remember that the majority of people I had tried to associate with treated me the same way he did, (though I suppose I would not have considered him a friend as he was much older than me and was just doing a job,) so the instruction of not asking people’s names and just speaking as he put it sort of stuck. As harsh as I thought he was being at the time, he taught me a lesson in how sometimes you don’t need to be social with people as long as you do what you’re supposed to do. I had spent the majority of my life up to that point trying so hard to be accepted only to be rejected for no reason. I no longer wanted to be potentially treated like that just for trying to be nice. You never know what you’re going to get when you put yourself out there. Some people will just treat you like dirt even when you do nothing to deserve it. For this reason, I no longer ask people what their names are and I’m not inclined to introduce myself to anyone unless I have to, (or with encouragement from mom.) Even with people I know such as my staff, I will do my best to only say what I need to say and that’s it. This results in me obtaining somewhat negative results from mom as she feels I’m being rude and tries to get me to be more open despite me saying that there’s no need for me to be. I’m also more inclined to tell others to mind their own business and leave me alone where I wouldn’t have as a child. In fact, it used to bother me when people used to tell me to leave them alone as well especially during times when I didn’t feel like I was bothering them. It’s just strange how things that used to bother me as a child are things that I live by as an adult.

So if anyone wonders why I hate being social, it goes back to me being constantly ridiculed by a bunch of kids for no reason when I tried to be their friend. By no means is this mom’s fault. Some people are just like that. Unfortunately though, it has let me in a situation where I feel like I need to return the favor. I was taught by numerous people who I wanted to be friends with basically not to be friendly and outgoing with them.

If they wanted nothing to do with me back then, I want nothing to do with them now.

I feel so much better now that I have admitted the real truth as to why I don’t want to make friends or be social with anyone. I can sleep better now.

By: Jefferson Bert