I don’t know how many more times I can handle writing about this. I thought that the post I wrote titled “Putting My Foot Down” would be enough to finally put to rest the thought of me ever having another girlfriend or best friend. I think I was pretty clear within this post that I should never have another one. I even went as far as to tell all future women who I might come in contact with to fuck themselves. Even after doing all this, writing all the posts I write and pretty much making it as clear as day that I should never have another girlfriend or any sort of social life, I still got little to no sleep and I’m still having those moments of black out as I will call them. I really don’t know what to do at this point. I can’t drain my brain of all the memories I had of my first girlfriend. I can’t go back in time to prevent me from ever having one. There’s no way out of this. I’m starting to think that maybe I need some type of therapy. Someone to reassure me that everything is the way it is. This may be the only thing I can realistically do to solve this problem. Having said that, I don’t know how many times a therapist would be willing to repeat themselves by saying things like, “she’s gone Jeff,” (my name is Jeff,) or “it’s your decision, and “nobody is making you be friends with anyone,” ETC despite them getting paid to say all of those things. That person would probably end their session by saying something like, “I can’t make you believe what you don’t want to,” or the ball is in your court,” ETC. This may be done for nothing and I’m sure even I suggested this to mom she would say it’s not worth the money and I tend to agree especially since those closest to me having been saying all of these things in their own way for free. I don’t know what would be to gain from having a therapist’s help. This may be something that I need to deal with but I just don’t know how to do it. Having said all of this, I would be open to maybe having a therapist as I could also be wrong. Maybe there is something he/she could say that would set me straight. It may be the only realistic way of getting rid of my problem. Then again, how realistic would it be?

This is something to think about but of course, I can’t commit to anything without consulting mom first. For now, the ball is indeed in my court and I just need to find it within myself to not think about girls old or new at least until I can get it all figured out.

By: Jefferson Bert