In part one of this post, I talked about how it is now obvious that I can’t have a girlfriend anymore. Having said that, this is something you should have already known from having read my previous other posts. I went on to discuss how even having a friend is hard especially when that friend is married. I talked about how in high school we were the best of friends only for this to change once he got married and how our once unbreakable bond was broken by the dislike towards me of some of his extended family as well as the big mouth of his god damn wife which I wish I could staple shut sometimes. There is something that’s harder than having a friend who is married though and this is the topic I would like to discuss in part 2 of this entry.

There have been two problems with our friendship nowadays. One has been the question of whether or not his marriage should be any of my business and the other problem has been whether or not his marriage does or doesn’t dictate certain aspects of my life. Of course, I’m not the one married to him. I don’t want any part of his marriage as everybody must know by now what a bitch I think his wife is. However, at certain points, his marriage has been the cause of my downfall. I’ve had to let go of certain aspects of my own life just because of his marriage. This type of situation presented itself back in 2019 when my building was undergoing a renovation and we were all forced to move elsewhere temporarily while work was done. While the rest of the clients were moved to a retirement home, my friend and I got to stay with our parents with mom initially saying that she would not allow me to move there citing my dislike for new environments and change, particularly my dislike for retirement homes. For over a month and a half, I was comfortable especially since I almost never had to call mom because I was living with her. However, it was mom’s unnecessary and ridiculous ability to care what that spoiled bitch wants that proved to be my downfall. After about as much time worth of hearing her say that she missed my friend during their calls, mom finally gave up and forced him to move to the retirement home. However, seemingly for no reason at all, she also forced me to move when a vacancy came available within the home. This happened at the same time as my friend being forced to move and though it was denied by mom that the reason for me leaving had anything to do with my friend or his marriage, I maintained the belief that had it not been for him being forced by his wife to leave, I would have remained with mom no matter how long it took for the renovation to be completed. For the rest of the time that we were there, my friend and I were basically enemies with me blaming him for causing the change. At one point when we were alone in the house, we came to physical blows with each other after a heated argument started with me saying I could no longer stand his wife. On mom’s end of the argument, it basically went back and forth between her and I when I tried to prove that his marriage did involve me if I was going to keep suffering from the outcomes of every problem they have. I told mom that I didn’t care if he left for the retirement home or not but if it didn’t involve me, (as stated numerous times by mom during this confrontation,) then my name shouldn’t even be mentioned in situations that occur within it. It didn’t make sense that a situation that didn’t involve me kept resulting in me having to suffer because of it. I told my friend that this would negatively impact our friendship if this kept happening and even tried to get mom to enforce a divorce between the two of them, (which is the only way they would logically get one as it would not realistically come from him or her wanting one,) but of course, she denied this as well. In the end, I was forced to move because the bitch wasn’t happy and to this day, I quietly believe that I’m owed something for the shit I had to endure. One thing this situation did accomplish was giving me the notion to break away from him as my best friend. This situation has left me in a state of mind to believe that he is no longer as good a friend as he once was for making me sacrifice my happiness and comfort to support someone who I wish I never had to support. Something that he doesn’t know is that I’ve quietly disregarded him somewhat since the events that took place during that time period though we still maintain some level of friendship. Looking back some five or six years later, it’s very hard for me to consider the him as a friend anymore when I remember what I was put through at this time.

To this day, situations similar to this one keep occurring with his marriage dictating certain aspects of my life, (as briefly discussed in part one.) However, the idea behind this post as a whole stemmed from yet another argument where his marriage could dictate my comfortability level and my happiness. At this point, I’m getting sick of this and I’m at the point where I almost want to tell him to fuck himself and I would if it wasn’t for the fact that our parents are married.

With his marriage comes an easy way to determine when he’ll be available to me and for how long. Each weekend, the two bitches go home to be with their parents. As many times as this happens, there’s as many times as it doesn’t. Once again, this shouldn’t be my business yet it sort of is. This is because his availability is limited if not totally gone on weekends when they are present though mom can sometimes force a situation where he still goes out at least once a weekend even when they are. As discussed in part 1 of this post, there was a point at which, possibly with mom forcing me to, that I would refrain from making plans or doing things on the weekends they were present so he would not miss out. Fast forward years later though, (and after the events that took place with the retirement home,) and my pure hatred of the both of them has set in to the point where I will no longer allow them to dictate my life. During a trip to the mall yesterday, (it is currently the middle of the night the day after my mall trip at the time of this writing,) I made us a reservation at the pancake restaurant for the upcoming Friday having succumbed to a craving for that place despite the cost. Anyway, after he tells me the girls are home this week, I immediately jump on the defensive first saying that mom had previously implemented the Friday routine regardless of the status of the girls. Eventually, I told him that he didn’t have to go with me but that I would still go even if he didn’t. During that same mall trip, I was on the phone with mom discussing our next possible outing with each other. After suggesting a possible road trip for the upcoming Saturday, I began to worry that plans would once again change for the road trip once mom found out the girls were home. With this in mind, I quickly hung up the phone and called mom wanting to settle this before it became a source of stress. Mom said she never agreed to do the trip and told me it was just a possibility. This lead to an argument as I felt that mom was basing her decision on going or not on whether the girls were home after she says that it won’t happen if my friend isn’t available, (which I already knew since he had already told me.) Finally having gotten fed up with his fuckin marriage dictating my life, I snapped and told mom that she should tell him to fuck off and that I didn’t want him on this trip with us if mom was going to do that. Mom got angry at me for making the comment and said that if they decide to go along with my suggestion, he would be forced to go. She warned me not to mention anything in regards to the trip and I said I wouldn’t if she stopped basing her decisions on things we do on those “little freaks and sluts,” as I put it citing the fact that my friend would have no problem going if they weren’t around. I told mom that I had also made the reservation for the pancake restaurant and that I would go regardless of his ability to be there and said she needs to start doing that when she makes plans with us. I reminded her of the fact that she believes his marriage is supposedly none of my business and that I don’t want any part of it but that if this keeps up, I will want nothing to do with him. Needless to say, mom did not like that comment and angrily dismissed the call saying she would not talk to me for the rest of the night, though we did talk afterwards at the regular time. However, we did not discuss this situation any further and as of right now, the road trip is still up in the air possibly to be decided based on those idiots. I will say this once more. This situation is supposed to be none of my business so why am I once again suffering the outcome of their decision making? Furthermore, why can’t mom just go with me on this road trip and leave my friend with his wife? She doesn’t seem to understand that not everything needs to include him especially when the girls are involved.

For this reason, I’m very upset and while I’m hopeful that I will go on a road trip with mom this weekend, I have my doubts not because of anything that concerns me but rather a situation that doesn’t if this makes any sense.

To show how upset I was about the situation, I had to force myself to call my friend even once last night where I would usually call him multiple times. The conversations didn’t go anywhere and were very brief with me saying I called him to maintain the normal routine before dismissing the call.

So it is now apparent to me that I should never have a girlfriend or even a best friend for that matter. I think the only way this would work is for that person to have no social life other than with me. They’re either just my friend or they’re not at all but unfortunately, this doesn’t seem to be very rational, for that person, be it a girlfriend or a best friend to not have anybody else they associate with. Therefore, it may be better for me if I was just by myself.

Having a social life is just too hard on me. I like my space. It’s the only way I operate. Maybe I can be my own friend. This would be a lot easier.

By Jefferson Bert