As I mentioned in part one of “The Most Introverted Man In The World,” I’ve never been the type of person who enjoys or cares much about music. Having said that, I can use one song to reference how I’ve felt all day.

“He wants to live a lonely life.”

This is a reference to a 90’s song. I think it’s called “I Saw The Sign.” However, today I definitely saw a sign that my love life should be about as real as any monster that lives in a child’s closet or Casper the friendly ghost. It became very clear to me very fast today that having a girlfriend wouldn’t work for me. This was something that was previously determined by those closest to me. This is why mom stopped me from going to social groups and is completely against the idea of me talking to anyone outside of my existing social circle. We both feel that this would put me in a situation where I would lose my temper and with this in mind, it was a done deal. However, I will reference a famous quote I once heard that was said by somebody. I have no idea who said this. Once again, I’m not a musical type of person know do I read into plays or whatever so I will just say this now.

“To Sleep Perchance to Dream.”

Mom and I can agree all we want that while I’m awake, I shouldn’t be social or have a romantic relationship. Having said that, nobody has control of what happens when we close our eyes. For me, this has been my downfall for the past couple of nights as I have woken up from sleep having dreamed about my worst fears coming to life. There were no birds attacking me. No, this was another nightmare I have been having for years. One that is truly a nightmare and DID NOT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE!. I only say this because as disturbing as these nightmares are, they do put my mother in somewhat of a bad light and she WOULD NOT LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO HER LIKE WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO HER IN MY NIGHTMARE! Once I woke up though, my life for the rest of the day went to shit. I feel the need to get this out on paper despite the fact that it may put mom in a bad light and I would only request that people don’t think bad things about her. I have had emotional issues in regards to this every since my teenage years stemming from my first failed relationship. When I have told or even referenced this to mom, she has rightfully gotten mad at me and it has caused her to believe that it would negatively effect our relationship if I continued to think the way I do. Anyway, here it is.

I go to sleep and within seconds, I see my girlfriend as we are arguing about something. She breaks up with me but then tries to get back with me. After I refuse, she goes to my mother for advice.

I just realized that maybe telling the whole story is too much despite it being what I see is true but by the end of the dream, mom has blacklisted me from her life in favor of my girlfriend. All I can hear her say to me is goodbye as her and my girlfriend speed away in her car. I spend the rest of the dream plotting my revenge against the two of them but then I wake up not believing what I thought I just saw. I begin reacting to it. However, for a short period, it makes me happy as I recount the images in my head.

As I said, this has been happening for two days by this point but today, it reached it’s breaking point after I woke up from my afternoon nap having had one of those dreams and wasted no time reacting to it. Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before I realized I had reacted a little too loudly and I heard someone tell me from behind my door to stop yelling. Believing that it was staff, I called them out of courtesy but they said it wasn’t them. I then put two and two together to find out that it was my nosey fuckin neighbor who made the unnecessary comment. Therefore I was unapologetic for what happened, (you may recall from having read my previous posts that unless it’s mom’s opinion, I don’t give a damn what anybody else thinks.) Anyway, I believed that going out would help me. Boy was I wrong.

Upon arriving at the mall, I called my stepfather to ask him if he could arrange a time for me to meet with mom tomorrow. He said they cannot as they are going out with friends. Upon requesting that I join them and being denied, I got upset at him as he referred to me and my step brother as kids even though we’re in our mid 30’s. As this comment along with being denied the outing brought about the same type of images seen in my dream, I went on a minor rampage driving fast in circles around the mall while managing to somehow avoid hitting a single person and being able to slam on the brakes when it appeared I might. I use an electric wheelchair when I go out. After a brief conversation with mom, I was able to refocus on my mall trip but needless to say, once I got home, things could not have gone worse for me. It started with a call to my uncle but escalated into an all out war with mom.

For the simple reason that I’m too tired and worn out from the fight and I honestly don’t remember everything that was said, I will not get into details about what happened. I will say that my nosey neighbor made yet another unwanted appearance in my business but this isn’t even the worst part. The argument escalated to the point of yelling on mom’s part and me having to come to terms with some hard truths that may effect our relationship as a whole. What I mean is that I thought my relationship with mom was over. In the end, like it always does, everything worked out after I had a good cry. I think this was the first time I’ve cried in the year 2026. It definitely wasn’t the first time I was stressed though.

It was indeed just as I described it….A NIGHT FROM HELL!

I will say this one more time. If a girl ever asks me out, they will definitely get their heart broken. I WILL NEVER AND SHOULD NEVER HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AS LONG AS I LIVE!

By Jefferson Bert