What are friends? Are they people you like to be around? People you feel like you can count on? People you go to for support when you need someone to listen to your problems when no one else will? Well all of the above can be used to describe the one person in my life who can be considered my friend. You see, I’m not what people would consider to be social as I prefer to have only one friend instead of a lot. I don’t use social media. I hate being in groups and I have problems with associating with more than one person. I feel like the more friends I have, the worse I feel. As a matter of fact, it was determined a long time ago that I shouldn’t have a girlfriend. You see, the main problem I have with people being my friend is the ability to give them space when they need it as well as trying hard not to feel as if they are stabbing me in the back every time something happens in their lives that doesn’t include me. For this reason among others, I cannot have a girlfriend but this also applies to best friends. To make it simple, in my mind they’re either always available to me or they don’t fit the criteria that I set for people in my life. Anytime that person is focused on other things or people, they’ve pretty much stabbed me in the back. I know this is a bad way to feel and it’s lead those closest to me to deem that I cannot have friends or a girlfriend. While this may seem harsh, I’ve accepted that this is the way I am. I’m what everybody would refer to as a loner and I’ve come to realize that this may not be a bad thing. It basically just means that I’m in charge. I never have to negotiate with anyone or care what they think, ETC. Having said that, it would be really hard for me to get rid of the one person who is my friend considering he is part of my family. This is my step brother. I met him 22 years ago in high school. We started out as friends and then my mother married his father during which time he became part of the family. This was a hard transition for me at first as I had to get used to him being involved with members of my family without my involvement, ETC. Eventually he got married and I was his best man. This is when things started to slowly go downhill for us as his wife and I would get into arguments with him stuck in the middle. On a few occasions, we have fought and even got mildly physical with each other. However, this has not yet proven to end our friendship.

Now I find myself in a situation where I don’t know exactly where mom lies. Don’t get me wrong. I know she loves both of us. However, she is very critical of the amount of times I go and visit my friend. I have bouts of loneliness sometimes which contribute to my constant visits but mom believes that I spend too much time with them while saying she gets as annoyed as I do particularly with his wife. This is actually beside the point I’m trying to make.

One problem I have is a struggle to believe that my friend’s marriage will not effect plans we make with our parents. Often times on weekends or holidays, mom will plan for the four of us to celebrate by going somewhere, (either in town or out of town,) and sometimes we spend the night at their house. Now since I’m the type of person who wishes I still live with mom, it can safely be assumed that I cherish any opportunity that presents itself to sleep over at mom’s house even if her rules don’t quite match my normal routine. To give an example of one of these rules, I would not be writing an article this late at her house. It is now almost 3 a.m. as I write this. At her house, my step brother and I need to go to bed pretty much at the same time they do which is always before midnight. My normal routine won’t allow me to go to bed before midnight, (which mom totally disagrees with.) Therefore my routine is a little off but it’s worth it if I get to be with mom.

Now I should mention that sleepovers are few and far between and usually only occur at Christmas. Very rarely do we go to the house and come back the same day without sleeping there. To date, the last time I was at the house was boxing day last year as we had just finished our Christmas celebration. Once I left the house, I have not been back since. With this in mind, I get all excited when a sleepover is announced and will find comfort in packing my bags to leave the night before. I also love going out of town for day long excursions. Now this is being done on Canada day and we are scheduled to go out of town. Mom was the one who planned this but knowing me the way everybody does, I have to find a reason to complain and believe that something will go wrong. This was no exception.

You see, while my step brother and I are set to go on Canada day with mom, his wife and her sister don’t have plans and will be staying home. This is where the problem lies. They would usually go with their parents at the same time my step brother and I are gone but their parents are busy and cannot take them. The problem is how mom would react when she finds out. I worry that she will be unwilling to leave them alone as they are really dependent on others for their care. Now to date, it has never been a problem each time this has happened. To be fair, her parents usually come to get them even if they are busy on weekends so the fact is that I probably have nothing to worry about. However, I wanted to write this article before going to bed as the stress would have kept me up all night. I figured that this site would give me a platform to release my anger to go to bed with a clear mind. One thing I told my step brother is to decide if he wants to go or stay with his wife. He emphatically told me that he wants to go.

I feel much better now that I’ve gotten this out.

By Jefferson Bert