This question is actually a little bit ironic in my case. I don’t usually hear a lot of excuses from people but rather I’m the one who makes excuses mainly for not doing what’s expected of me from mom. These excuses range from time constraints for certain things. Sometimes I’ll blame my inability to do certain things on lack of time for other people and I’ll say things such as “Well, I can’t do (insert task which I believe to be private,) because staff don’t have time to help me with it.” For those of you who are wondering I live in an assisted living environment and I receive care for my daily tasks with staff. There’s also the matter of my food intake where mom initially expected me to eat healthier than what I eaten previously for that specific time either by failing to take vegetables that were offered or being accused of initially being offered the vegetable or salad, (depending on the situation,) and denying the offer or refusing to ask for any side that’s offered especially if it’s healthy. Aside from the food situation, there’s other excuses make mostly pertaining to my lifestyle choices. Where mom would prefer me to go to bed earlier than I do, (I’m usually in bed by no earlier than 2 or 3 o clock in the morning. I think the earliest I’ll go to bed by my own decision is 1 or 2 o clock in the morning but never before midnight,) I make the excuse that I have no legitimate time to watch tv during the day or at any point where doing so would allow me to go to bed at what mom considers to be a reasonable time.
Something that should be addressed is that each time I make an excuse to mom for anything, it almost always results in an argument and me getting in trouble. Most of the time, the issue as far as mom is concerned stems from me not initially taking initiative or responsibility by addressing my needs to the appropriate people, (which in turn would likely result in the situation working in mom’s favor and therefore making my excuse basically just that, an excuse.) Most of the time, what mom desires for me to do or have can be accommodated if I was to ask for something or explain a situation to the right people at the right time, ETC with me having failed to do that being the sole cause of the issue.
For example, if mom wanted me to eat a vegetable at a meal that I initially wasn’t down for, (because at this place, we have to fill out a menu and choose what we want to eat and if we don’t select a particular item that’s being offered, they do not prepare a portion for us,) the initial argument from me would be that I didn’t choose that and therefore I cannot eat it. However, there’s always the option of asking for something which would be granted if there was extra and most of the time, I have even been offered the side of vegetables or something healthy at times when they’ve been available only for me to decline the offer. Other times, I had been down for a vegetable or salad ETC and have chosen not to eat it as I wasn’t hungry enough. Both of these situations have warranted an argument between mom and I with her saying that it could have been done differently if I had initially taken responsibility and at least tried to ask for what I want even if it couldn’t be offered at that time. To make it simple, in mom’s eyes it’s pure laziness on my part that almost always results in our arguments. She doesn’t want me to be handed everything. She doesn’t expect me to be treated special. She feels that I need to advocate for myself and that I shouldn’t let me disability get in the way of addressing my needs. She wants me to use the tools I have been blessed with to be able to speak for myself. She tells me that not everybody in my condition or situation has the ability to do what I do so I should therefore be proud of my ability to do it. In her eyes, I show that I’m proud and grateful by speaking for myself when necessary and not having someone do my talking for me even though I believe in my personal opinion that having an advocate is more desirable than having to everything myself. You know, I walk around places, (even here,) and I see people that are also disabled who aspire to be seen as any other person would be. They don’t respect their own disability and they show this by complaining about it and saying how bad their lives are. I even see people who wear inspirational shirts such as “See the able, not the label,” ETC. Well in my eyes, I’m the exact opposite. I don’t aspire to be an able bodied person nor do I care how anybody on this earth, (with the exception of a few people,) care about me. As far as I’m concerned, I’m not going to be someone I’m not. This is exactly what the majority of other people who hate their disability are trying to do. They want others to see them as able bodied and capable. They feel like their disability is a burden. They want to be like everybody else so with that in mind, their basically living a lie and holding out hope that one day they’ll wake up and be cured from their disability. This seems harsh but it’s true. In my mind, I know I’m disabled and that I’ll never be able to do things like an able bodied person. For this reason, I embrace being who I am. My disability isn’t a burden. It defines me. This is who I am and I know that a lot of people, (mom included,) would disagree with what I’m saying but it’s something I stand by. I’ll always be like this. I can’t change it. So what’s the point in complaining about it?
I realize now that I have gotten way off topic. Having said that, the worst excuse I have heard throughout my life, (one that is heard a lot where I live,) has got to be “I’m busy. You need to wait your turn.” It’s definitely an excuse that I’m tired of hearing at this point but one that I know I will continue to hear as life goes on.
By: Jefferson Bert
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