I’m going to get right to the point with this one. For years, I’ve thought about whether or not it was a good idea for me to ever seek out another relationship following the ending of my first one. Though most people in my life have wasted no time in vocalizing their opinions towards me never having one, (as they do not want to repeat the issues that occurred in the aftermath of my first one,) I went through a phase where I wasn’t sure at first. I reasoned myself into the belief that the problems that occurred were because I was a teenager and immature. There was a part of me that still believed I could have at least tried again now that I was older. However, this belief soon started to bring about past problems I had which made me believe they were happening in the present. This always resulted in me getting in trouble over acting out negatively because of them. With my 36th birthday coming next week, I realize that it has now been over 20 years since I saw her last and so much has changed but the most important fact of all is that mom and I have never been closer where we weren’t really that close during my first relationship. Also in the aftermath of my first relationship, mom and I were only on and off in terms of our relationship. To put it into perspective, I was just a step above where my younger brother is currently as it pertains to his status with mom. As it stands now, mom has decided that she does not want him in her life. This is because of years of arguments between him and her, (which also involves my uncle to a point,) pertaining to how we were brought up as children. Though I have not been involved in those arguments, mom has told me that my brother said he basically wouldn’t ever forgive her for the way he turned out. This broke mom’s heart but I was there for her. I intend to stay that way and be the one of the three of us that mom knows she can count on. During my relationship and also in the aftermath of it, mom and I would have arguments where similar warnings and threats would be given to me as they were currently to my brother, (that she would no longer talk to me if I kept arguing with her,) ETC with the only difference being that those threats never went anywhere and mom and I only took breaks from talking to each other. These days we are closer than we have ever been and if this was to stop for any reason, it would break my heart about as much as my mother’s heart was broken by my brother. For this reason, having an intimate relationship with anyone is off the table for me as it would likely bring me back to that same argumentative state I was in as a teenager. Since I’m now an adult, I realize that I may never recover from the scars that would likely result if mom and I had arguments like we did back then. If this wasn’t bad enough, I now find myself having dreams of one day finding one and I wake up feeling sick inside. It almost makes me cry. I’m a big fan of the classic Wrestling but as it stands now, I can’t even watch matches or shows from that era without having to turn it off because it brings about the same state of mind I was in back then. I need to get rid of those thoughts of that bad era in my life. So the note I would write as my future self to my current self is very straight forward. It is one simple message.
“Stay single. Love is not worth the stress. You have too much going for you and if you find someone, it can ruin everything good in your life.”
By: Jefferson Bert
JJsMovieRoom 
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