How do you manage stress?

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The honest truth about me is that I simply cannot handle stress without getting mad or blaming other people. Ask anyone I know and they will tell you the same thing. Not a day goes by or a minute where I’m not stressed over something or someone real or fictional. Yes you are reading this right. Sometimes I tend to lose touch with reality and get mad at a person or situation that is fake. This is usually over someone obtaining more of something than I am which forces the belief that they are better than me in the eyes of the person giving them something I need or want. This is mostly money. A lot of times, I will see myself getting mad because someone imaginary, (my girlfriend who I always tend to forget doesn’t exist,) is receiving real money from someone else who doesn’t exist which makes me mad in reality.  This does seem weird and like it’s for nothing but it has gotten me in real trouble in the past even as recently as yesterday. One thing is does confirm for me in the present is that I can never have another girlfriend as long as I live. Most of these imaginary problems I have stem from the real problems I had with my first girlfriend who I also tend to forget that I have not seen in over 20 years and counting to this point. This was a person whose influence forced me to forget about the passage of time and believe that she was still relevant long after she was gone. This story is now getting ridiculous. It’s a story that I’ve written different variations of for the past twenty years where I’ve gone through the same BS about how things didn’t work and how I believed that I was being betrayed by those closest to me in the aftermath even though this was completely untrue, that I will never see her again and that she was just a girl I went out with for five months, ETC. The list goes on and on about the number of times I have blamed her for everything that went wrong and how many times those closest to me had wished I had never met her in the first place and pray to god that I never ever meet another girl. This is a story that I’m sick of writing about and thinking about and one that I’m sure everybody is sick of hearing about. The most important thing they keep telling me is that she is gone and that I will never see her again. Yet her influence still rears it’s ugly head every now and then and it’s starting to drive me crazy. Every time I have a moment where I see her in my head or a fake girl, I tell myself to the point where I’m going to literally jump off a bridge or do something crazy if I don’t stop that I shouldn’t have a girlfriend ETC. No matter how many times I remind myself of this, it keeps happening. I feel like I may need to isolate myself from any female interaction going forward but I don’t even think that will stop me from assuming that I have problems with women. Sometimes I wish I did not have the ability to reminisce about the past. I wish I had a brain which operated under an out of sight out of mind function. If that was the case, I would have forgotten about my ex when I could no longer see her. Maybe the only way to be able to move on peacefully with my life is to have all my memories disappear and to be unable to recall them once they’re no longer present or relevant. Unfortunately, no such procedure would work to accomplish that without ending me for good so I guess I’m stuck with those bad memories. The only thing I can really do is something I’m already doing. First of all I should stop thinking of her and second of all, (and perhaps the most important thing,) is for me to ensure that I never find myself in the company of another female as long as I live. I should have stayed single my entire life. It would have been much less painful but I didn’t and now I’m paying the price for it. This is one price that may never be paid off as long as I continue to remember the bad person, (for lack of a better term. If this wasn’t online, I would have some more questionable words to describe her,) she was and the BS that she put me through for the better part of two decades without her having any idea that she was doing it. There is one more thing I think I can do although this may not help the overall cause of my permanent stress. I can see it as a big mistake and promise to never duplicate that mistake again. Truth be told, I’ve said that over a thousand times before and it’s done no good. I’ve really got myself into a jam that I can’t get out of. All I can really do is hope that it goes away one day and that I stop thinking of her. Nobody else can help me. Nothing can be done. As long as I continue to remember her, I will still have stress and unfortunately I don’t think there’s any way to cope with it. If I had to choose a way though, it would be to call mom. Not because she can do anything about it but simply because she is my go to person for everything but even she is getting sick of hearing about this as well. Maybe I should just stop thinking of her and move on with my own life. This may literally be the only way of coping with my stress. I will do my best to put her out of my mind. I hope that whatever happens to me going forward, I never have to be in the company of any woman. IT IS BETTER TO STAY SINGLE!

By Jefferson Bert