This answer may seem a little arrogant and abrupt but it’s the way I feel. I find that too many people in this day and age care about making others happy while not considering their own needs/desires ETC. There’s always that one person who feels like they should never end up alone and would do anything to make others happy. For those who are already married, they believe that their own happiness is determined by the state of mind of their spouse. As long as they are happy, that’s all people care about. Trust me, I know this from experience as my best friend is married to someone who I must say thinks a lot of herself. She gets on my nerves and annoys me and we’ve had no shortage of fights since he’s been married to her. Every fight I’ve had with my friend so far has been because of her influence. When we argue about things, he always has to try and play the hero even though I’ve told him a thousand times at least that this won’t work for me. You see, everybody sort of backs this marriage except for me and therefore they know better than to get on his nerves because of what he might do to them. Well truth be told, as angry as he may get, he can’t match up to me. He has seen me on my worst day and I scared him. He knows better than to reprimand me for anything I do because unlike everybody else, I don’t give a damn about his marriage and I certainly don’t care about her. Yet so many times in the past, he has found himself making the same crucial mistake in trying to stand up to me, (where applicable of course,) but what has that gotten him? Does anybody think he intimidates me? If anything, he pisses me off more when he does that and admittingly, our fights are not just limited to arguing but we’ve also gotten physical with each other. He hit me below the belt during a confrontation with his wife once and I spent the whole night trying not to retaliate. I’ve ripped his shirt and scratched him while cussing him out to his face. There was also a verbal confrontation over the phone where he screamed at me for no reason when his extended family was down visiting. Well, I had to be restrained mentally but also physically from mom because when he returned that Sunday, he was going to get badly hurt for what he said to me. Thanks to my mother though, I never touched him but trust me, I felt like harming him.
Though these fights are few and far between, nobody can deny that they’ve occurred and as I said before, his wife’s influence has been all over each and every one of our fights. I’m going to be honest in saying this. There is something they believe that sounds ridiculous to me and honestly, I’m insulted by it. They want me to treat his wife like she’s a member of our family. How can she be? I can’t stand the woman and I see the way the relationship is run. It’s based off the fact that he can help her through every day life as she is completely disabled and dependent on everybody else. He’s constantly doing things for her and caring about her ETC. I mean, he’s more like a live in housekeeper than a husband. So you may be asking yourself what this has to do with me. How does this determine my happiness given that she is not my wife and this is not my problem? Well the answer is simple. Because first of all, the minute I hear one of them refer to her as family, it gets under my skin to the point that my good mood disappears and is replaced by laughter and disgust and second of all, I feel like the status of their relationship determines my own plans sometimes. You see, what you don’t know about us is that we’re step brothers and the belief I have, (though it has never been proven,) is that certain planned engagements with my mother and step father would be changed or cancelled anytime he is potentially unable to join us due to an engagement with her family, (I don’t even say his side of the family as this accentuates how little I regard them as part of the family,) even though this almost never happens. Usually mom will step in and force him to join us. However, this does not prevent what is considered to be the normal routine of my getting upset prior to mom stepping in and tweaking the plan as I feel like my fear of missing out due to their engagements will actually occur. A similar issue to the one I just described occurred earlier this evening but was short lived once I realized that we have no upcoming plans with mom until at least next week. I was able to make my own plans for the coming Sunday to see s movie.
To make it simple, happiness to me is basically not having to do what my friend does with his wife everyday. Caring about her or anyone else, (except for mom as I will always care about her. I mean, I don’t have a choice in the matter,) would make me unhappy especially if it was to the point where my own needs/desires are put on the back burner. I’ve always believed that being an introvert and a loner is the right way to be. Well these days, it’s never been more true. It’s not “happy wife, happy life,” to me. It’s “happy life…..don’t have a wife.” I can honestly say after seeing what my friend goes through that I will never engage with another person other than him and my immediate family. This is my key to happiness.
By Jefferson Bert
JJsMovieRoom 
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