What life lesson did you learn too late?

View all responses

As most people must know by now from having read my previous entries on this topic, I did not have a very successful first relationship as a teenager. This is something that I’m getting so tired of reliving and writing about and even thinking about. However, there was a period in my life where I spent the better part of five years obsessing and plotting revenge against my ex girlfriend for what I believed was her side of the story which had lead to our breakup. During this time I believed she was still relevant in my life and the lives of some of my family members and had influenced certain aspects of their lives at that time as well as contributed to my constant trouble over thoughts of her that manifested into something much bigger. As for what I believed she was doing, it is so inappropriate and ridiculous but more importantly private so I cannot reveal it. I can say that it involved members of my family which put them in a much worse light than they should be in reality. These days my relationship with that person has gotten so better and this coincides with the end of my belief that my ex is still in my life long after she had been gone. Through countless harsh explanations and threats along with wishes from some members of my family that this never happen again, it has now been determined by everybody including myself that I should never have another girlfriend and this even extends to having other friends besides the ones that I already have. I’m just not that type of person who is social. 

As for the lesson I learned too late, well it was that everything I thought with happening during this time period wasn’t happening and that I should have forgotten about my ex the minute we were no longer dating. Looking back, I realize that I spent the majority of my 20’s dealing with the aftermath of my first relationship so I never really got to enjoy that part of my life. I believe that if things were different, I probably could have enjoyed my life more and probably would have avoided all the trouble I got myself into. I will say that while my 20’s had their moments of being good, they could have been much better and though I used to blame most of this on my ex, the fact is that it was indeed my fault. Things were so bad at some points that I thought I would basically be put in the same category as my younger brother is currently with my mother. For the longest time, they had their differences which only got worse as he became a teenager. They both decided that they never want to speak to each other again and I’m actually surprised that mom has gone through with this for as long as she has. There has been inexplicable things that my brother has done to my mother, (though not physical or life threatening,) that have pretty much guaranteed that they will never have anymore contact. His influence has spread to other members of my family as well, though this does not effect me. However, out of respect for mom, I made it my mission to avoid contact with him at all costs as well as long as mom continues to do so. I even have a 2 year old nephew at the time of this writing that I’ve never met but I really don’t care if I do or not. I’ve been an uncle for two years and I’ve never seen my nephew yet!

I don’t mean to make this about them. I was just using that as an example. I don’t want to be put in the same category as my brother is because it would absolutely devastate me to not have mom in my life. Also my brother and I didn’t have the best relationship even before all of this started. In the years leading up to when he moved away, he was getting on my nerves as he tried to convince me that he knew what was best for me and that if he was in charge I wouldn’t be as “spoiled” as he put it as I am with mom, ETC. I actually had a dream the other night that my brother was assaulting me for no reason at all and even trying to kill me. I don’t know why this happened in the dream but it did. He just did not like me. He’s out of my life too and the only person I care about is mom.

I guess the life lesson I learned too late was that people and things tend to come and go, The key is to always move forward and never look back especially when looking back has gotten me into so much trouble.

By Jefferson Bert